now i don't know the first thing about football
Since I've joined an esteemed roundtable of college football bloggers, you're gonna have to deal with posts like these from time to time. Whatever...I'm too nervous to jinx the Fightin's by writing a post about them, and the WNBA just doesn't hold the thrill it used to. So anyways, here's my response to the first bicker session, dedicated to this poll:
Overrated ACC: Virginia
---Yeah, I know they're only at 34 in that poll. And yes, I had the choice between going to Penn State for free and getting whatever car I wanted and going to UVA and driving a boxy Civic with no right-hand mirror, coming out four years later with a substantial amount of debt. But that doesn't take away the fact that I have no idea who Marques Hagans is going to throw the ball to, provided we don't run the option. Or move him back to WR, which would kill two birds with one stone, seeing as how we're inundated with gangly, white QBs and Biscuit completely sonned D'Angelo Hall in the 2003 V A&M- UVA game. You see, I've looked back at UVA's 2004 year and there's a lot of 30-14 games or so forth in there. Fuck knows how they did it, even though they were running an absolute clinic against UNC, and the 2nd half of the South Carolina School For The Functionally Retarded game provided one of the most dominating performances by an offensive line I've ever seen. But I guarantee you, every no account football school in the ACC has watched the FSU tapes and will put eight in the box whenever we play them this year; and let the record show, forcing a 5'9" QB to beat you is a pretty smart move. Let's face it: this year, Al Groh's recruiting woes come to roost in C-ville. The casual fan might be fooled by the fact that we've brought in a top-15 class every year in the 21st century. But that never takes into a account the fact that ever since the glory days of Terrence Wilkins and Anthony Poindexter, we haven't had a legitimate threat at CB/WR...no, scratch that...we haven't had a guy who I'm convinced could run a sub-5.0 40-yard dash. Every year, it's the same shit: a retarded LB core, the best OLs New Jersey has to offer, and an occasional blue chip at RB. So while you'll see D'Brickhouse and Ahmad Brooks solidify their draft positions, once the Florida schools come to town, it's like playing NCAA 2005 on a harder setting. I've never seen a more shook team when going against a Football U...was there any doubt that whenever we went 5-wide against Virginia A&M, Biscuit was about to embark on a QB draw that got him a 1-yard gain?
And given the fact that we lost our top two receiving threats, Heath Miller and Alvin Pearman (both non-WRs, obviously), teams have more incentive to stack up. Sure, Wali Lundy is a workhorse and the obviously speedy Michael Johnson will finally get some carries, but that still doesn't solve the initial issue. Besides, Wali has a tendency to give up a backbreaking fumble...two of which come to mind are the one inside the 10-yard line while the Clemson game was still in doubt, and the one against Virginia A&M which effectively cost us the game. Pearman just broke off a 80-yarder, and we had the chance to put our stamp on the game, but holmes was probably still stuck off the realness of his SI on Campus cover story and coughed it up and the halftime score was 0-0. We could've been in the Gator Bowl and this entire post wouldn't have happened.
But moreover, the rest of the ACC isn't as top-heavy as it usually is, but NC State, Georgia Tech and Maryland still gotta eat, and going to Chestnut Hill is a far less attractive option than rubbing salt in Clemson's wounded tiger paw. Or you can just chalk this whole thing up to my bitterness at the fact that Al Groh is trying to murk every last UVA tradition with that "sea of orange" bullshit, when George Welsh had us rocking bowties and oxford shirts to better postseasonal fates than the Jimmy Carter Bowl.
- Honorary Mention: Georgia
---Whatever...I've seen the worst of dissing Georgia when they fuck up (and keep in mind that compared to Todd Braverman, Billy Bailey was Robert Horry in clutch situations), but let's face it: even though you should cut Mark Richt miles of slack, they're losing the QB and both WRs of one of the least inspiring offenses of a decent team in recent memory and pretty much every memorable contributor on defense. The same one that really never put Georgia Southern or Marshall away, and got completely run out of the stadium by the SEC powers that be in the last two years. There's a sea change occurring in the SEC and UGA's not on the good side; USC can only go up with Spurrier coachin' 'em up, UT and UF will be jockeying for BCS position and Alabama can't stay down for long. It'll be great to see whether or not the Dawg fans buy into the Tee Martin Hypothesis, which states that anytime an iconic white QB for an almost-there team is replaced by lifelong backup, mobile black QB, you stand a better chance of winning a national championship (trust me, I fell hard for this last year). To the UGA kids who are gonna comment: when did you ever feel comfortable when D.J. Shockley was under center? Particularly now that Fred Gibson and Reggie Brown are gone, and neither of them were Peerless Price in college, although I'd rather take either of those guys in the NFL than the Worthless One? The Boise game is going to be a Bronco win or a Bulldog blowout, but either way, it feels like a Music City Bowl kind of year.
Underrated ACC: Georgia Tech
---Although I hesitate to say this for anyone once associated with the Dallas Cowboys organization, Chan Gailey is not a dumb man. And Calvin Johnson is an absolute monster...this guy will put up Larry Fitzgerald numbers, mark my words. GT strikes me as a team that was competitive in most of the games they were in last year; a couple breaks here and there, and they're headed to Actionville.
National: Louisville
---It's difficult to call a #11 team underrated, but this team is absolutely disgusting in a no-account, still semi-major conference. Look at the schedule: which games are they supposed to lose? Their toughest road game is in Morgantown against a West Virginia team that lost most of its moving parts on offense, and even if you're believing that Tyler Palko can carry Dan Marino's Isotoners, they're coming to the Deep Dish. With Utah setting the precedent last season, there's no reason to believe these guys won't be salvaging the Big Least's rep with a BCS bid.
Rose Bowl Sleeper ACC/National: Miami
---Look, some ACC team has to win the conference, and if you're looking at the polls, Miami's top competitors respectively sport a sex offender and a drug-addled DMB fan with a god complex at their QB spot. Compare that with Miami who gives Kyle Wright the enviable task of following up Ron Powlus...I mean, Brock Berlin. Get Willie Williams down with the pilgrims, and you're looking at the cream of a power conference with a shaky elite class. I recognize the difficulty of winning games at both Tally-ho and Blackhole, but there's no fucking way you take Miami out of the Top 10 when all they lose is a historically erratic QB and a RB who will make millions off the strength of one game against UVA.
In other news, your bullshit sensors should be wailing any time some girl fawningly tells you "my boyfriend's...IN A BAND!" But my mellow Casey (girl's name...it's the south, yank), a soon-to-be-sorely-missed intern at the GLA actually brings it to the table. He brought us all beer after wasting a day playing golf with his manager. Gully! If you have any interest in country-based rock whatsoever, seek out this guy's studio album.
And by the by, I heard you hadn't seen the video for The Stars' "Ageless Beauty." Maybe your life has some meaning...but I'm not so sure.
Overrated ACC: Virginia
---Yeah, I know they're only at 34 in that poll. And yes, I had the choice between going to Penn State for free and getting whatever car I wanted and going to UVA and driving a boxy Civic with no right-hand mirror, coming out four years later with a substantial amount of debt. But that doesn't take away the fact that I have no idea who Marques Hagans is going to throw the ball to, provided we don't run the option. Or move him back to WR, which would kill two birds with one stone, seeing as how we're inundated with gangly, white QBs and Biscuit completely sonned D'Angelo Hall in the 2003 V A&M- UVA game. You see, I've looked back at UVA's 2004 year and there's a lot of 30-14 games or so forth in there. Fuck knows how they did it, even though they were running an absolute clinic against UNC, and the 2nd half of the South Carolina School For The Functionally Retarded game provided one of the most dominating performances by an offensive line I've ever seen. But I guarantee you, every no account football school in the ACC has watched the FSU tapes and will put eight in the box whenever we play them this year; and let the record show, forcing a 5'9" QB to beat you is a pretty smart move. Let's face it: this year, Al Groh's recruiting woes come to roost in C-ville. The casual fan might be fooled by the fact that we've brought in a top-15 class every year in the 21st century. But that never takes into a account the fact that ever since the glory days of Terrence Wilkins and Anthony Poindexter, we haven't had a legitimate threat at CB/WR...no, scratch that...we haven't had a guy who I'm convinced could run a sub-5.0 40-yard dash. Every year, it's the same shit: a retarded LB core, the best OLs New Jersey has to offer, and an occasional blue chip at RB. So while you'll see D'Brickhouse and Ahmad Brooks solidify their draft positions, once the Florida schools come to town, it's like playing NCAA 2005 on a harder setting. I've never seen a more shook team when going against a Football U...was there any doubt that whenever we went 5-wide against Virginia A&M, Biscuit was about to embark on a QB draw that got him a 1-yard gain?
And given the fact that we lost our top two receiving threats, Heath Miller and Alvin Pearman (both non-WRs, obviously), teams have more incentive to stack up. Sure, Wali Lundy is a workhorse and the obviously speedy Michael Johnson will finally get some carries, but that still doesn't solve the initial issue. Besides, Wali has a tendency to give up a backbreaking fumble...two of which come to mind are the one inside the 10-yard line while the Clemson game was still in doubt, and the one against Virginia A&M which effectively cost us the game. Pearman just broke off a 80-yarder, and we had the chance to put our stamp on the game, but holmes was probably still stuck off the realness of his SI on Campus cover story and coughed it up and the halftime score was 0-0. We could've been in the Gator Bowl and this entire post wouldn't have happened.
But moreover, the rest of the ACC isn't as top-heavy as it usually is, but NC State, Georgia Tech and Maryland still gotta eat, and going to Chestnut Hill is a far less attractive option than rubbing salt in Clemson's wounded tiger paw. Or you can just chalk this whole thing up to my bitterness at the fact that Al Groh is trying to murk every last UVA tradition with that "sea of orange" bullshit, when George Welsh had us rocking bowties and oxford shirts to better postseasonal fates than the Jimmy Carter Bowl.
- Honorary Mention: Georgia
---Whatever...I've seen the worst of dissing Georgia when they fuck up (and keep in mind that compared to Todd Braverman, Billy Bailey was Robert Horry in clutch situations), but let's face it: even though you should cut Mark Richt miles of slack, they're losing the QB and both WRs of one of the least inspiring offenses of a decent team in recent memory and pretty much every memorable contributor on defense. The same one that really never put Georgia Southern or Marshall away, and got completely run out of the stadium by the SEC powers that be in the last two years. There's a sea change occurring in the SEC and UGA's not on the good side; USC can only go up with Spurrier coachin' 'em up, UT and UF will be jockeying for BCS position and Alabama can't stay down for long. It'll be great to see whether or not the Dawg fans buy into the Tee Martin Hypothesis, which states that anytime an iconic white QB for an almost-there team is replaced by lifelong backup, mobile black QB, you stand a better chance of winning a national championship (trust me, I fell hard for this last year). To the UGA kids who are gonna comment: when did you ever feel comfortable when D.J. Shockley was under center? Particularly now that Fred Gibson and Reggie Brown are gone, and neither of them were Peerless Price in college, although I'd rather take either of those guys in the NFL than the Worthless One? The Boise game is going to be a Bronco win or a Bulldog blowout, but either way, it feels like a Music City Bowl kind of year.
Underrated ACC: Georgia Tech
---Although I hesitate to say this for anyone once associated with the Dallas Cowboys organization, Chan Gailey is not a dumb man. And Calvin Johnson is an absolute monster...this guy will put up Larry Fitzgerald numbers, mark my words. GT strikes me as a team that was competitive in most of the games they were in last year; a couple breaks here and there, and they're headed to Actionville.
National: Louisville
---It's difficult to call a #11 team underrated, but this team is absolutely disgusting in a no-account, still semi-major conference. Look at the schedule: which games are they supposed to lose? Their toughest road game is in Morgantown against a West Virginia team that lost most of its moving parts on offense, and even if you're believing that Tyler Palko can carry Dan Marino's Isotoners, they're coming to the Deep Dish. With Utah setting the precedent last season, there's no reason to believe these guys won't be salvaging the Big Least's rep with a BCS bid.
Rose Bowl Sleeper ACC/National: Miami
---Look, some ACC team has to win the conference, and if you're looking at the polls, Miami's top competitors respectively sport a sex offender and a drug-addled DMB fan with a god complex at their QB spot. Compare that with Miami who gives Kyle Wright the enviable task of following up Ron Powlus...I mean, Brock Berlin. Get Willie Williams down with the pilgrims, and you're looking at the cream of a power conference with a shaky elite class. I recognize the difficulty of winning games at both Tally-ho and Blackhole, but there's no fucking way you take Miami out of the Top 10 when all they lose is a historically erratic QB and a RB who will make millions off the strength of one game against UVA.
In other news, your bullshit sensors should be wailing any time some girl fawningly tells you "my boyfriend's...IN A BAND!" But my mellow Casey (girl's name...it's the south, yank), a soon-to-be-sorely-missed intern at the GLA actually brings it to the table. He brought us all beer after wasting a day playing golf with his manager. Gully! If you have any interest in country-based rock whatsoever, seek out this guy's studio album.
And by the by, I heard you hadn't seen the video for The Stars' "Ageless Beauty." Maybe your life has some meaning...but I'm not so sure.
posted by Ian at 11:02 PM
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