let's end the speculation, i'm talking to all of y'all
10 Things I Hate About U(VA)
1. I hate the fact that we schedule like a Pete Gillen team
- Back in 2002, here was our out-of-conference slate: Colorado State, Penn State, South Carolina, Akron, Virginia Tech. Now, Akron was for Homecoming, but CSU and USC were still good teams back then. We lost to CSU, PSU and Tech, but you're a fool if you think that we'd have been able to wax a nationally-ranked WVU in the Tire Bowl if our schedule hadn't toughened up the troops. We were picked to finish eighth in a nine-team ACC, and despite our 8-5 record, there was a sense of achievement. Moreover, we played angry because although we finished #2 in the ACC, NC State and Maryland flipped a softer schedule into a better record and more prestigious bowls.
Our last two years, we've bumped heads with Western Michigan, Akron, Temple and Syracuse. And you're a fool if you think that the lack of competition hasn't affected us in the polls and the minds of recruits. What we have is the classic Gillen schedule: fatten up on the weaklings so we can be pointed out as an undefeated with a questionable resume. Then, once the conference play starts, we start to come back down to earth, so the experts can say, "we knew it all along." Did you know that Al Groh's record in October is 7-10? And finally, when fans our at their lowest, we get a surprising run at the end so all is forgiven, and we parlay it into a meaningless post-season battle.
You realize back in the 1990's, not only would we schedule games against Texas, Michigan, Auburn, Penn State and Notre Dame, but we'd win sometimes? And granted, beating Texas in the 1990's isn't like beating them now, but any squad with Priest Holmes and Ricky Williams in the same backfield couldn't have been that bad. Next year's OOC games (Pitt, Wyoming, ECU) aren't really looking to change any trends, although I'm fascinated to see what kind of incompetence can be achieved by putting former AFC East dons Al Groh and Dave Wannstedt up against each other in a home-and-home. This might be the first game that gets canceled because both teams get lost on the way to the stadium.
2. I hate how our offense is like that of a Pete Gillen team.
- Which is to say, we have absolutely no offensive philosophy or identity. A typical Pete Gillen team would have the rep of being a running squad, but if they weren't able to do that, they'd make some rinky-dink passes to each other and finally chuck something up out of a sense of desperation. Sound familiar? What about the fact that during the Gillen era, we had no true inside presence, so the closer we were to the basket, the fewer options we had. Check the red zone offense of the last two games.
And a message to announcers: I know you need a nice story during breaks, but just because Ron Prince is a young, African-American coaching prospect who worked at Cornell, that doesn't change the fact that an opposing DC probably has to do little more than consult the internet to know what's coming from him. Prince's gameplan might as well be titled "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot."
I am trying to break your heart.
Enough with the human interest. We have Sean Patrick Thomas doing UVA commercials, and at least he's embiggening our school's cromulence by slaying white hoes like it's going out of style. Couldn't he replace Prince with no noticeable drop-off? If he can find the holes in Julia Stiles, the Boston College defense should be no problem.
The SPT offense: running it up the gut, nailing the open wide receiver, but utilizing the tight end when they're in the red zone.
Objectively, we have one of the best dual-threats in the country at QB, a pass-catching FB who's good for 6 YPC, a couple of 6'4" WRs, a trio of talented TE's, an OL that has an top-10 NFL lock and a bevy of highly sought-after recruits, and to top it off, three RB's who excel at different facets of the game: a between-the-tackles runner, a 4.2 speedster and one of the most prolific TD machines in school history. Put an OL-coach posing as an OC in charge of all of that, and you have one of the least innovative, least game-breaking, most predictable attacks in the country. Is there anyone associated with UVA, Al Groh included, that wouldn't reduce Groh's contract to the amount that would be necessary to get Bill Musgrave back?
3. I hate how our defense is like that of a Pete Gillen team.
- Which is to say, soft and unflexible at the same time, too scared or inept to bring pressure, always failing to make adjustments. We're not even into the middle of October, and three teams have had a 300-yard passer and a 100-yard runner in the same game against us. Real air-raid offensive juggernauts like Western Michigan, Maryland and Boston College. WMU had one win last year, Maryland ran what looked like a total of three different plays, and BC's offensive scheme is like a bowl of vanilla ice milk, except without all the frou-frou. At this point, even a Ron Prince offense could gash these guys.
I tend to bitch about how Groh and Golden claim to be linebacker guys, and it seems like all of our recruiting efforts are centered towards getting LBs (not to mention OLs). Ahmad Brooks goes down; he was overrated anyways. So where the hell did his backups go? We run a 3-4 and don't have more than three capable LB's on the roster? Oh, here's why...
4. I hate how UVA fans find comfort in the struggles of Chuck Amato and Ralph Friedgen.
- So they've had their losing seasons. But I'll guarantee you this: every UVA guy would promise to never fuck a JMU girl without meeting her parents first, if that would give us the opportunity to get blown out in the Orange Bowl like the Terps did. Plus, Temple only allowed 38 to Maryland, and I'm assuming their comparatively better performance wasn't due to the acquisition of extracurricular defensive accoutrements from certain neighborhoods surrounding Lincoln Field.
5. I hate how it seemed like Penn State had more Virginians in their starting lineup than we did.
- Self-explanatory. You see those comments Groh gave in regards to the Brad Butler incident (see #10 for more info)? As you can imagine, that kind of stuff doesn't play too well on the recruiting trail, where we're getting dusted by Virginia Tech with no sign of abatement. We can't live on New Jersey talent alone, especially since I'm sure a lot of them saw yesterday's game (I know I didn't after the second quarter. It was on some real "Heidi" shit) and will take that into consideration when Tom O'Brien, Joe Pa and Al Groh come calling.
6. I hate how yesterday's loss was typical Groh: we could've won it, yet we could've also lost by a lot more, and the only way we'll win meaningful road games is if they all move to Ericsson Stadium.
- The score says 28-17, but keep in mind that BC killed themselves with penalties and a kicker that might as well change his name to Noonan at this point. Our big problem is that we didn't come out sharp and take advantage of the fact that this was a very winnable road game, considering the location. BC's not really known for having a hostile crowd, and at kickoff, the majority of fans were still filing in. When you take the weather into account, I'm pretty sure if the Chestnut Hill Dick-Sucking Committee was having an open casting call for judges, Alumni Stadium probably still would've been half-full. So how do we take advantage? By getting a 15-yard pass on first down, and then four straight penalties, three for false starts.
And when I say it's a game we could've won, the score was still 7-7 at halftime and 21-17 later on. I was actually surprised with how Golden came out in the first half. We brought the pressure on Quinton Porter, who oddly enough is a white guy, and we got lucky with some drops and poorly thrown balls. Chris Long consistently beat his man, but he will likely set some record for "sacks missed by 1/10th of a millisecond."
It was all for naught. What has become a constant for us in the last two years is that we couldn't rise to the occasion in the 4th quarter, and let a winnable game slip away because the other team did. Last year's games against Miami and VT and this year's ones against Maryland and BC were within reach for far longer than the final scores may indicate, but no matter what our offense did, we couldn't come out on top because the rules state that the other team has to get the ball back. Look at how gassed our defense gets in the 4th quarter. Look at how injury-prone our players are, and how long it takes them to recover (how is Lundy still running on a flat tire? When's Brick and Brooks coming back? How about Dias?). Is it possible that our strength and training coach cost us more games than Groh has?
And I've had enough of excusing this stuff as being the result of losing seven players to the NFL draft. What was their legacy? A couple of Tire Bowl wins? A 1-8 record against FSU, Miami and VT? It's a lot of personnel, and some of them were truly important cogs. But from the looks of things this year, the guys we miss the most are a 6th-round pick at NT (Hoffman), a guy who missed 3/4ths of last season (Canty) and a free agent LB (Dennis Haley). Every one else is being replaced pretty capably. But aren't we supposed to be a team that reloads thanks to Groh's recruiting? Look at UGA this year. They lost the winningest QB in SEC history. Thomas Davis and Odell Thurman were arguably the heart and soul of the defense. If David Pollack isn't more popular than Herschel Walker in Athens, he's awful damn close. And yet, with their inexperience, they come out blazing against Boise, win close conference games, and go into Neyland Stadium and not only win, but only allow points on drives that were either the length of a football or during garbage time. I've said it time and time again: this is the kind of thing that makes UGA a great program, and ours merely good.
7. I hate how Al Groh has made it his goal to whitewash all of UVA's traditions, and not in that cool way that Penn State did the "whitewash" last night.
- I've told you about the Lil' Hoo mascot in a previous post. It didn't work, we recognized our mistake, and we stuck with the animatronic CavMan intro as our go-to cheeseball move. But this Sea of Orange shit? First off, orange is not our primary color, so it's never going to be a nauseatingly monochromatic affair like at Neyland Stadium. Secondly, go ahead and watch an LSU, Auburn or 'Bama game. Look at what their students are wearing. Doesn't seem to affect their home crowd, does it? And third, if he wants to institute a "terrible towel"-esque tradition, why not start it up? How hard could it be? If it were up to Groh, he'd bring back those fucking Thunder Stix we had at the Maryland game in 2002. Hey, Groh- the fans were raucous that game because we were beating the shit out of an archrival, utilizing trick plays and harassing their QB- not because we caught a case of Rally Monkey fever. If you want a different kind of student in the stands at Scott Stadium, take it up with Admissions. No one was painting their bodies or jingling their keys or ringing a cowbell when your son quarterbacked our win against FSU.
8. I hate how we didn't approach Pat Hill at the end of the MPC Computers Bowl with Al Groh's extension money.
- Look at all the stuff I've said thus far. Has anyone accused Pat Hill of not getting the most of his talent? Has anyone ever questioned Fresno's scheduling policy? Shit, did you hear about that one D-II team that played a doubleheader yesterday? I'm surprised Pat Hill didn't do that first.
Of course, our real plan should've been to get Travis Watson's old tricked-out minivan, jam about 143 miles southwest from Charlottesville, and dumped about $1.2 million on the desk of Bud Foster. Not only does that have potential Richt-Bowden breakup potential for Tech, but it actually would've given us a coach that has a proven specialty and an identity. Look at it from the perspective of the average recruit in Newport News: do you want to play for the team that blitzes and actually makes special teams fun? Or do you want the "bend, but break more often than we used to" style?
9. I hate the fact that I'm stuck looking forward to lacrosse season.
- And even last year, I had to deal with the fact that it'll take you longer to read this full sentence than it did for the UVA lacrosse team to blow a one-goal lead in the national semifinal.
10. I hate how all of the above has made us an unlikeable team.
- Now, as pithy as the Gin Blossoms' most famous lyric is, I see no point in not having the highest expectations for UVA football. At least that's what Craig Littlepage and them are trying to intimate. Yes, we have high academic standards. So does Cal. Yes, we have an enrollment of 11,000. Boston College's is smaller. So is Northwestern's, and they went to the Rose Bowl twice. The reality is that programs that want to damper expectations don't expand their stadium's seating capacity and pay their head coach $1.7 million a year. Though we don't share a lot of similarities with the Football U's of the world, we'd made it very clear that we see no reason that we can't compete on their level. So get your weight up, guys.
Regardless of our final tally, we'll be lucky if this doesn't turn into "Mackovic in Arizona: Part Hoo." We're not seen as an underdog anymore, a program that relatively thrives within the auspices of the best public university in the country. Nationally, we're seen as a team that bullies weak programs, loses every big game we're lucky enough to be in, and worse yet, Brad Butler sealed the deal by going out of his way to cripple not only a future NFL star, but a fucking humanitarian. Joe Sixpack wishes pain on us. Orson and Stranko (Joe Twelvepack?) are willing to rub elbows with the Ayatollah to make it happen. And what does Groh say in response? "I don't have any commentary on that. That is up to the officials. I remember plays that determine who won the game." Bullshit. BC's crowd was half-asleep until that shit went down. This is unfortunately typical of the arrogant demeanor that Groh takes with the media these days regarding anything about our team. There's a fine line between being a magnificent bastard and a callous asshole, and you can holler at Steve Spurrier for his special "decoder ring" to find out where it is.
If I were Groh, I'd cut Butler from the team. Since I'm not Groh, I hope to see a multi-game suspension. I don't care how much we need him on the line. All I know is that what happened to Kiwi will be talked about a lot, and many are going to assume that his "play to the whistle" tactics are the result of coaching. The face of UVA football is comprised of people like Tiki Barber, Herman Moore and Chris Slade. We pride ourselves on being a classy program, and we were up in arms when Ron New Mexico flipped off the WVU crowd. Butler was on some Cobra Kai shit. You don't think someone like Beamer will bring up this when he's in ma's house trying to recruit their latest DB star away from us?
If you think our ceiling's higher than 6-5 at this point, you're out of your mind. Just to get that, we have to go on the road and beat UNC, and win at home against a GT team that may or may not have their shit together any more than us. It's tough to say. It's not the end of the world to go back to Boise, but it's discouraging to have our program going backwards so quickly after achieving nothing that we hadn't during the average George Welsh team. From 2001-2003, there was at least something for us to, um, "Groh" on at the end of the year. We finished 5-7 in his first year, but at least that team was fun. They were obviously outmanned in a lot of games, but we beat Clemson at Death Valley on a last-second TD, Georgia Tech on a last-minute hook-and-ladder, and Penn State to close the season. 2002 has already been spoken for, and in 2003, we survived Schaub's injury, won a bowl game, and more importantly, thrashed Tech. What's been our biggest win since 2004? Clemson on a Thursday night? A road win at Bobby Dodd stadium?
More importantly, with all of the talk of our vaunted recruiting classes, which players have stepped up as the future leaders? Biscuit has carried this team offensively, but if we're at 3-5 or worse, wouldn't it serve our best interests to get Olsen or McCabe out on the field to prep them for next year? Or to let Lundy get healthy for the NFL combine so we can let Peerman and MJ battle it out for the #1 spot at RB? No matter what happens this year, we'll be seen as a disappointment and we're sure to be disregarded in 2006, but I think with the right shuffling of the deck (read: FIRE RON PRINCE), a clean bill of health, and another year of experience for the DBs and OL, next year's team might have a higher ceiling than this one.
That being said, it's disturbing that the rationale behind extending Groh for five years seems to be that "we're better off now than when he took over." Which is true, considering 6-5 is better than 5-7. But if we're 6-5 in 2008, don't call all those investment bankers in New York, asking them for a salary garnish in order to finance Groh's buyout.
There are definitely guys to root for on this squad. There's little more Marques Hagans can do to help us win, especially with our OL banged up and our receivers catching the occasional case of the dropsies instead of the ball. Kai Parham brings his lunchpail every game, just so announcers can say "he's really emerging out of Ahmad Brooks' shadow this year," despite the fact that he's arguably outplayed him the entire time. Conor Hughes isn't Todd Braverman. So he's got that going for him.
Of course, Ghost can sum up our program in a couple of lines better than I can in countless, needless words:
"This thing here, every man in the world goes through,
But fuck that, I put a lot of money up- I'm hatin'!"
Ghostface Killah- "Never Be The Same Again"
I should've slapped you, but the god said "chillllllll."
1. I hate the fact that we schedule like a Pete Gillen team
- Back in 2002, here was our out-of-conference slate: Colorado State, Penn State, South Carolina, Akron, Virginia Tech. Now, Akron was for Homecoming, but CSU and USC were still good teams back then. We lost to CSU, PSU and Tech, but you're a fool if you think that we'd have been able to wax a nationally-ranked WVU in the Tire Bowl if our schedule hadn't toughened up the troops. We were picked to finish eighth in a nine-team ACC, and despite our 8-5 record, there was a sense of achievement. Moreover, we played angry because although we finished #2 in the ACC, NC State and Maryland flipped a softer schedule into a better record and more prestigious bowls.
Our last two years, we've bumped heads with Western Michigan, Akron, Temple and Syracuse. And you're a fool if you think that the lack of competition hasn't affected us in the polls and the minds of recruits. What we have is the classic Gillen schedule: fatten up on the weaklings so we can be pointed out as an undefeated with a questionable resume. Then, once the conference play starts, we start to come back down to earth, so the experts can say, "we knew it all along." Did you know that Al Groh's record in October is 7-10? And finally, when fans our at their lowest, we get a surprising run at the end so all is forgiven, and we parlay it into a meaningless post-season battle.
You realize back in the 1990's, not only would we schedule games against Texas, Michigan, Auburn, Penn State and Notre Dame, but we'd win sometimes? And granted, beating Texas in the 1990's isn't like beating them now, but any squad with Priest Holmes and Ricky Williams in the same backfield couldn't have been that bad. Next year's OOC games (Pitt, Wyoming, ECU) aren't really looking to change any trends, although I'm fascinated to see what kind of incompetence can be achieved by putting former AFC East dons Al Groh and Dave Wannstedt up against each other in a home-and-home. This might be the first game that gets canceled because both teams get lost on the way to the stadium.
2. I hate how our offense is like that of a Pete Gillen team.
- Which is to say, we have absolutely no offensive philosophy or identity. A typical Pete Gillen team would have the rep of being a running squad, but if they weren't able to do that, they'd make some rinky-dink passes to each other and finally chuck something up out of a sense of desperation. Sound familiar? What about the fact that during the Gillen era, we had no true inside presence, so the closer we were to the basket, the fewer options we had. Check the red zone offense of the last two games.
And a message to announcers: I know you need a nice story during breaks, but just because Ron Prince is a young, African-American coaching prospect who worked at Cornell, that doesn't change the fact that an opposing DC probably has to do little more than consult the internet to know what's coming from him. Prince's gameplan might as well be titled "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot."
I am trying to break your heart.
Enough with the human interest. We have Sean Patrick Thomas doing UVA commercials, and at least he's embiggening our school's cromulence by slaying white hoes like it's going out of style. Couldn't he replace Prince with no noticeable drop-off? If he can find the holes in Julia Stiles, the Boston College defense should be no problem.
The SPT offense: running it up the gut, nailing the open wide receiver, but utilizing the tight end when they're in the red zone.
Objectively, we have one of the best dual-threats in the country at QB, a pass-catching FB who's good for 6 YPC, a couple of 6'4" WRs, a trio of talented TE's, an OL that has an top-10 NFL lock and a bevy of highly sought-after recruits, and to top it off, three RB's who excel at different facets of the game: a between-the-tackles runner, a 4.2 speedster and one of the most prolific TD machines in school history. Put an OL-coach posing as an OC in charge of all of that, and you have one of the least innovative, least game-breaking, most predictable attacks in the country. Is there anyone associated with UVA, Al Groh included, that wouldn't reduce Groh's contract to the amount that would be necessary to get Bill Musgrave back?
3. I hate how our defense is like that of a Pete Gillen team.
- Which is to say, soft and unflexible at the same time, too scared or inept to bring pressure, always failing to make adjustments. We're not even into the middle of October, and three teams have had a 300-yard passer and a 100-yard runner in the same game against us. Real air-raid offensive juggernauts like Western Michigan, Maryland and Boston College. WMU had one win last year, Maryland ran what looked like a total of three different plays, and BC's offensive scheme is like a bowl of vanilla ice milk, except without all the frou-frou. At this point, even a Ron Prince offense could gash these guys.
I tend to bitch about how Groh and Golden claim to be linebacker guys, and it seems like all of our recruiting efforts are centered towards getting LBs (not to mention OLs). Ahmad Brooks goes down; he was overrated anyways. So where the hell did his backups go? We run a 3-4 and don't have more than three capable LB's on the roster? Oh, here's why...
4. I hate how UVA fans find comfort in the struggles of Chuck Amato and Ralph Friedgen.
- So they've had their losing seasons. But I'll guarantee you this: every UVA guy would promise to never fuck a JMU girl without meeting her parents first, if that would give us the opportunity to get blown out in the Orange Bowl like the Terps did. Plus, Temple only allowed 38 to Maryland, and I'm assuming their comparatively better performance wasn't due to the acquisition of extracurricular defensive accoutrements from certain neighborhoods surrounding Lincoln Field.
5. I hate how it seemed like Penn State had more Virginians in their starting lineup than we did.
- Self-explanatory. You see those comments Groh gave in regards to the Brad Butler incident (see #10 for more info)? As you can imagine, that kind of stuff doesn't play too well on the recruiting trail, where we're getting dusted by Virginia Tech with no sign of abatement. We can't live on New Jersey talent alone, especially since I'm sure a lot of them saw yesterday's game (I know I didn't after the second quarter. It was on some real "Heidi" shit) and will take that into consideration when Tom O'Brien, Joe Pa and Al Groh come calling.
6. I hate how yesterday's loss was typical Groh: we could've won it, yet we could've also lost by a lot more, and the only way we'll win meaningful road games is if they all move to Ericsson Stadium.
- The score says 28-17, but keep in mind that BC killed themselves with penalties and a kicker that might as well change his name to Noonan at this point. Our big problem is that we didn't come out sharp and take advantage of the fact that this was a very winnable road game, considering the location. BC's not really known for having a hostile crowd, and at kickoff, the majority of fans were still filing in. When you take the weather into account, I'm pretty sure if the Chestnut Hill Dick-Sucking Committee was having an open casting call for judges, Alumni Stadium probably still would've been half-full. So how do we take advantage? By getting a 15-yard pass on first down, and then four straight penalties, three for false starts.
And when I say it's a game we could've won, the score was still 7-7 at halftime and 21-17 later on. I was actually surprised with how Golden came out in the first half. We brought the pressure on Quinton Porter, who oddly enough is a white guy, and we got lucky with some drops and poorly thrown balls. Chris Long consistently beat his man, but he will likely set some record for "sacks missed by 1/10th of a millisecond."
It was all for naught. What has become a constant for us in the last two years is that we couldn't rise to the occasion in the 4th quarter, and let a winnable game slip away because the other team did. Last year's games against Miami and VT and this year's ones against Maryland and BC were within reach for far longer than the final scores may indicate, but no matter what our offense did, we couldn't come out on top because the rules state that the other team has to get the ball back. Look at how gassed our defense gets in the 4th quarter. Look at how injury-prone our players are, and how long it takes them to recover (how is Lundy still running on a flat tire? When's Brick and Brooks coming back? How about Dias?). Is it possible that our strength and training coach cost us more games than Groh has?
And I've had enough of excusing this stuff as being the result of losing seven players to the NFL draft. What was their legacy? A couple of Tire Bowl wins? A 1-8 record against FSU, Miami and VT? It's a lot of personnel, and some of them were truly important cogs. But from the looks of things this year, the guys we miss the most are a 6th-round pick at NT (Hoffman), a guy who missed 3/4ths of last season (Canty) and a free agent LB (Dennis Haley). Every one else is being replaced pretty capably. But aren't we supposed to be a team that reloads thanks to Groh's recruiting? Look at UGA this year. They lost the winningest QB in SEC history. Thomas Davis and Odell Thurman were arguably the heart and soul of the defense. If David Pollack isn't more popular than Herschel Walker in Athens, he's awful damn close. And yet, with their inexperience, they come out blazing against Boise, win close conference games, and go into Neyland Stadium and not only win, but only allow points on drives that were either the length of a football or during garbage time. I've said it time and time again: this is the kind of thing that makes UGA a great program, and ours merely good.
7. I hate how Al Groh has made it his goal to whitewash all of UVA's traditions, and not in that cool way that Penn State did the "whitewash" last night.
- I've told you about the Lil' Hoo mascot in a previous post. It didn't work, we recognized our mistake, and we stuck with the animatronic CavMan intro as our go-to cheeseball move. But this Sea of Orange shit? First off, orange is not our primary color, so it's never going to be a nauseatingly monochromatic affair like at Neyland Stadium. Secondly, go ahead and watch an LSU, Auburn or 'Bama game. Look at what their students are wearing. Doesn't seem to affect their home crowd, does it? And third, if he wants to institute a "terrible towel"-esque tradition, why not start it up? How hard could it be? If it were up to Groh, he'd bring back those fucking Thunder Stix we had at the Maryland game in 2002. Hey, Groh- the fans were raucous that game because we were beating the shit out of an archrival, utilizing trick plays and harassing their QB- not because we caught a case of Rally Monkey fever. If you want a different kind of student in the stands at Scott Stadium, take it up with Admissions. No one was painting their bodies or jingling their keys or ringing a cowbell when your son quarterbacked our win against FSU.
8. I hate how we didn't approach Pat Hill at the end of the MPC Computers Bowl with Al Groh's extension money.
- Look at all the stuff I've said thus far. Has anyone accused Pat Hill of not getting the most of his talent? Has anyone ever questioned Fresno's scheduling policy? Shit, did you hear about that one D-II team that played a doubleheader yesterday? I'm surprised Pat Hill didn't do that first.
Of course, our real plan should've been to get Travis Watson's old tricked-out minivan, jam about 143 miles southwest from Charlottesville, and dumped about $1.2 million on the desk of Bud Foster. Not only does that have potential Richt-Bowden breakup potential for Tech, but it actually would've given us a coach that has a proven specialty and an identity. Look at it from the perspective of the average recruit in Newport News: do you want to play for the team that blitzes and actually makes special teams fun? Or do you want the "bend, but break more often than we used to" style?
9. I hate the fact that I'm stuck looking forward to lacrosse season.
- And even last year, I had to deal with the fact that it'll take you longer to read this full sentence than it did for the UVA lacrosse team to blow a one-goal lead in the national semifinal.
10. I hate how all of the above has made us an unlikeable team.
- Now, as pithy as the Gin Blossoms' most famous lyric is, I see no point in not having the highest expectations for UVA football. At least that's what Craig Littlepage and them are trying to intimate. Yes, we have high academic standards. So does Cal. Yes, we have an enrollment of 11,000. Boston College's is smaller. So is Northwestern's, and they went to the Rose Bowl twice. The reality is that programs that want to damper expectations don't expand their stadium's seating capacity and pay their head coach $1.7 million a year. Though we don't share a lot of similarities with the Football U's of the world, we'd made it very clear that we see no reason that we can't compete on their level. So get your weight up, guys.
Regardless of our final tally, we'll be lucky if this doesn't turn into "Mackovic in Arizona: Part Hoo." We're not seen as an underdog anymore, a program that relatively thrives within the auspices of the best public university in the country. Nationally, we're seen as a team that bullies weak programs, loses every big game we're lucky enough to be in, and worse yet, Brad Butler sealed the deal by going out of his way to cripple not only a future NFL star, but a fucking humanitarian. Joe Sixpack wishes pain on us. Orson and Stranko (Joe Twelvepack?) are willing to rub elbows with the Ayatollah to make it happen. And what does Groh say in response? "I don't have any commentary on that. That is up to the officials. I remember plays that determine who won the game." Bullshit. BC's crowd was half-asleep until that shit went down. This is unfortunately typical of the arrogant demeanor that Groh takes with the media these days regarding anything about our team. There's a fine line between being a magnificent bastard and a callous asshole, and you can holler at Steve Spurrier for his special "decoder ring" to find out where it is.
If I were Groh, I'd cut Butler from the team. Since I'm not Groh, I hope to see a multi-game suspension. I don't care how much we need him on the line. All I know is that what happened to Kiwi will be talked about a lot, and many are going to assume that his "play to the whistle" tactics are the result of coaching. The face of UVA football is comprised of people like Tiki Barber, Herman Moore and Chris Slade. We pride ourselves on being a classy program, and we were up in arms when Ron New Mexico flipped off the WVU crowd. Butler was on some Cobra Kai shit. You don't think someone like Beamer will bring up this when he's in ma's house trying to recruit their latest DB star away from us?
If you think our ceiling's higher than 6-5 at this point, you're out of your mind. Just to get that, we have to go on the road and beat UNC, and win at home against a GT team that may or may not have their shit together any more than us. It's tough to say. It's not the end of the world to go back to Boise, but it's discouraging to have our program going backwards so quickly after achieving nothing that we hadn't during the average George Welsh team. From 2001-2003, there was at least something for us to, um, "Groh" on at the end of the year. We finished 5-7 in his first year, but at least that team was fun. They were obviously outmanned in a lot of games, but we beat Clemson at Death Valley on a last-second TD, Georgia Tech on a last-minute hook-and-ladder, and Penn State to close the season. 2002 has already been spoken for, and in 2003, we survived Schaub's injury, won a bowl game, and more importantly, thrashed Tech. What's been our biggest win since 2004? Clemson on a Thursday night? A road win at Bobby Dodd stadium?
More importantly, with all of the talk of our vaunted recruiting classes, which players have stepped up as the future leaders? Biscuit has carried this team offensively, but if we're at 3-5 or worse, wouldn't it serve our best interests to get Olsen or McCabe out on the field to prep them for next year? Or to let Lundy get healthy for the NFL combine so we can let Peerman and MJ battle it out for the #1 spot at RB? No matter what happens this year, we'll be seen as a disappointment and we're sure to be disregarded in 2006, but I think with the right shuffling of the deck (read: FIRE RON PRINCE), a clean bill of health, and another year of experience for the DBs and OL, next year's team might have a higher ceiling than this one.
That being said, it's disturbing that the rationale behind extending Groh for five years seems to be that "we're better off now than when he took over." Which is true, considering 6-5 is better than 5-7. But if we're 6-5 in 2008, don't call all those investment bankers in New York, asking them for a salary garnish in order to finance Groh's buyout.
There are definitely guys to root for on this squad. There's little more Marques Hagans can do to help us win, especially with our OL banged up and our receivers catching the occasional case of the dropsies instead of the ball. Kai Parham brings his lunchpail every game, just so announcers can say "he's really emerging out of Ahmad Brooks' shadow this year," despite the fact that he's arguably outplayed him the entire time. Conor Hughes isn't Todd Braverman. So he's got that going for him.
Of course, Ghost can sum up our program in a couple of lines better than I can in countless, needless words:
"This thing here, every man in the world goes through,
But fuck that, I put a lot of money up- I'm hatin'!"
Ghostface Killah- "Never Be The Same Again"
I should've slapped you, but the god said "chillllllll."
posted by Ian at 1:48 PM
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