bounce up like roundball, part 5
There's a somewhat complex analysis that determines whether or not I go see a concert, but the short version is something like this: would I be better off spending X dollars to see this band or spending X dollars on beer and listening to the CD on shuffle? I think it's pretty solid reasoning; I love Bloc Party as much as the next guy who considers himself indie and sociable, but I'm not sure I can justify laying out $15 or better to hear them play fifteen or so songs (plus, I heard they suck live anyway).
This leads to why some of the best shows I've ever seen have come from what I like to call "75% bands." Meaning that their discography as a whole is strong, but every CD tends to have a couple of straight-up duds. Thus, it's probably always better to see them live, because chances are, they'll play the good songs and listening to CD as a whole can't possibly be the more rewarding experience. The type of bands I include in this grouping are, among others, Drive-By Truckers, My Morning Jacket (pre-"Z"), Ween, Wilco (half their albums) and Afghan Whigs. Before we go any further, I guess I'm going to have to defend my stance on Drive-By Truckers. As a concept, they're flawless. But I've been listening to them since I picked up "Southern Rock Opera" in Plan 9 music on the strength of a four-star review in Rolling Stone (honest injun!) and their main problem is that every album has a running time that's a little too generous. I realize the Skynyrd gimmick was what got "SRO" its attention, but the tracks that are the straight-up hagiography are the weakest ones. "Decoration Day" is their strongest work as a whole, but "Hell No I Ain't Happy" has to go ahead and rhyme the title with "crappy." And the second half of "The Dirty South" is a struggle to get through; three songs about Buford Pusser is two too many, and it cripples the album's momentum. But since they play about 75% of every album live anyways during their marathon-length shows, it ends up being a great experience.
Another group I'd throw in there is the Dismemberment Plan, which is probably my favorite band that I rarely listen to anymore. I like "Change" a lot, but you have to admit that there were a lot of signs that "Travistan" would turn out the way it did (see "Ellen And Ben," "it could've been off the hook, yeah"). And I can't even remember the last time "...Is Terrified!" got a spin. "Emergency & I" is a classic, and outside of professional athletes, I really doubt there's a person in their mid-20's that can't relate to it on a purely literal level. And yet, even that album has one of the most grating tracks I've ever heard ("Girl O'Clock").
Nonetheless, during their run, Travis Morrison was one of the best lyricists in any genre. The sad reality of the first few postcollegiate years is often being overeducated and underemployed, and nobody did a better job of capturing that feeling than he did. An example from "Come Home": "I'd rather be happy than right this time." We've all felt that way at one point, and that's exactly what comes to mind when I consider what happened last night in the tourney. Nothing in yesterday's post was even remotely correct, except the outcomes. I've nailed seven out of the Elite 8, but it has a lot more to do with serendipity and luck than actual analysis. So while I'm not right, I'm certainly happy.
And Villanova probably feels the same exact way. I'll lay this out right now: even though I needed 'Nova to win this game, I feel for Bill in the worst way. Since I first set foot on the Grounds in 1998, UVA has been to the NCAA Tournament once, and their game took place during my road trip to Savannah for St. Patrick's Day. Otherwise, they've never been in a situation where they've been good enough to inflict real pain (the collapse from being ranked #4 to being in the NIT in 2002 was a gradual thing), so I can't quite imagine what it's like to be a fan of the Maroon 5 right now.
This love is taking its toll on me
I watched the entire thing and I still can't figure it out. Allan Ray finally gave writers the opportunity to say he played like the photographic negative of Ray Allen. I know shooters need to have amnesia and get into a rhythm, but Ray's performance looked light years worse than Redick's even though it was technically better. Suppose your name was Abdul El-Jafar and you decided to spend September 12, 2001 walking around Hartsfield with your hands in your pockets while muttering to yourself. Maybe then you'd understand the kind of harassment J.J. Redick got from LSU. Allan Ray, on the other hand, was gunning out of control. If this were a pickup game, Foye would probably smack the shit out of him. Not that anyone else on 'Nova was much better (with the enormo excpetion of Foye). And it looked like BC had them figured out from the jump; I don't read much into a team getting off to a 9-0 run, and after UCLA's game against Gonzaga, all I really needed was them to be within double digits at the half. But it just looked like the kind of game where BC was going to thug it out while 'Nova jacked shots in frustration.
And even when Villanova seemed as if they were on the verge of taking the lead during their runs in the second half, the Eagles had an answer. Or, more accurately, the Wildcats would take some ill-advised runner in the lane. For all intents and purposes, this was a "not your night" game all the way. There wasn't even any knockout punch; 'Nova's winning shot didn't even go in the basket, which is about the most symbolic way for them to pull this out.
How did this happen? Okay, the officiating was a little spotty, but the turnovers...God. That's what did it. The way Villanova plays D, it's understandable that they're gonna get their steals. But BC was unconscionably sloppy with their passes and it seemed like any pass near the baseline was a sure fumble. And I think we all knew that Craig Smith's free throws in the Pacific game were a once-in-a-lifetime event. But that's how it goes; turning the ball over and hitting less than half of your free throws is a good way to blow it against a team that's playing like shit and inexplicably getting away with it.
I didn't get to see much of the WSU/GMU game, but every time CBS switched over, the Patriots were hitting a three or the Shockers were tossing up some ill-advised bomb. Which I guess was the story of the night anyways.
As for UConn and Florida, I think this revealed one of the secret shames of the NCAA tournament: while the games are just as close in the later rounds, they're almost always worse in an aesthetic sense. While the fact that UConn and UW went to OT probably puts it into ESPN's "Instant Classic" file, particularly in light of the fact that the Michigan/Notre Dame game is in there too. The UM/ND NIT game. But there were just as many mistakes and blown opportunities (that goes for G-town/UF too) as the BC/Nova game, and it gave a great lesson in learning to differentiate between close games and good ones.
Anyways, since I pretty much blew my proverbial wad on the Sweet 16 previews, I'm not gonna go into ones for tonight. All that shit pretty much holds up; but if you care, I've got Memphis and Texas getting it done. But if one of my guys gets ousted from the Final Four, I'd have no problem with it being done at the hands of LSU.
In other news, how awesome is this? Yeah, if you're gonna make it through Lower Merion High School in one piece, you'd better learn to like Jews. Shit, that place is so draped up and kiked out that my mom went there. And yes, that was a starting lineup of Kobe and four guys with names like Steinberg that won the state championship.
And I haven't read much of Patrick Hruby's stuff, but if this is any indication of what he cranks out on a regular basis, he's one to keep an eye on. I just hope he doesn't run into Bill Simmons in the Page 2 locker room.
I like the line about the last six seasons of "The Simpsons"; particularly because it made me think of something that's subliminally bothered me about the Page 2 writers: how come none of them ever seem to reference "The Simpsons" (Simmons is particularly egregious of this error)? I understand that their hustle is sports, but I also know that Page 2 exists to presumably give an irreverent, humorous twist on the matters of the day. They're paid to be funny about sports. Can you think of any of your friends that you would describe as "witty" that doesn't quote "The Simpsons" on a regular basis? As Megan will be more than happy to tell you, nearly every situation in this life can be supplemented with a choice cut from the Simpsons lexicon.
Yeah, I guess people within a two or three-year radius of my age are a little biased, since we were allowed to grow our senses of humor with that of "The Simpsons" in real time. But the fact that he's hung up on shows that were running concurrently with "The Simpsons" ("Beverly Hills, 90210," "Melrose Place," "Seinfeld"), that disqualifies you from using the excuse of "The Simpsons" not being of your time. The first two seasons of the show are painful to watch (in a different way than the ones these days are painful to watch), but "The Simpsons" is helped by becoming sophisticated only when we were old enough to get it. I don't know if I would've been into it had I been 16 during the first season, but shit, the Golden Age stuff is still hilarious now that I'm 26; I would've come around. The 20 year-old me would've certainly went apeshit for jokes about jack-knifed sugar trucks and Starland Vocal Band tattoos. There's simply too much longevity and cultural importance of "The Simpsons" to justify a person who considers himself a purveyor of humor ignoring it. If you were old enough to remember "The Simpsons"'s first season, internalization of that show is pretty much a stone cold requirement to be funny.
Alright, that's it for now...your favorite Open Bar All Star's gotta prepare for Barrister's Ball, a.k.a. Law Prom. It's really a lot more fun than it sounds, particularly since there's a tacit agreement in going that you will attempt to outdrink the ticket price. I wish we had an office pool where you could guess the alma mater of the drunkest guy (since 1/3 of us went to UGA undergrad, I'm assuming that would be a safe, if unexciting bet). My only concern is that I'm playing it straight in terms of eveningwear; no repeat performance of the bowtie and flip-flops ensemble from last year. My plan was to rent something from ManStyle, but they don't rock that way. Foiled, but still in the store, I considered dropping $35 on a pair of faux gators, but that seemed like a little bit of a desperation attempt to imbue some flavor in my outfit and a 100% guarantee of being an inflictor of buyer's remorse.
Last year was fun, but the execution was poor; it was twenty minutes or so away from campus and in a church. Now, that didn't stop the event from inspiring such quotes as these in the aftermath...
"I'm not going this year, but I'm sure my date will do coke in the bathroom without me."
"I saw boobs!"
"I really wish I was sober enough to see which 1L's were in a fist fight."
That last one was me. Also, the peripheral entertainment involved moneyless gambling, which is playing poker and blackjack with no financial risk, which is a complete non-entity. I guess it came in handy in one aspect: by the end, I tipped bartenders with poker chips. If I were in charge, I'd at least have gotten an air hockey table or Street Fighter II.
This year, it's downtown and we have a band whose frontwoman is Isaac Hayes' daughter. I'm torn on this, because although I'm certain I'll spend at least ten minutes begging her to play "Walk On By" or any other jewel from "Hot Buttered Soul" or "Black Moses," it will eliminate the chance of seeing your fellow classmates and professors grope each other to "Get Low." No one should be robbed of that opportunity.
Now I'm lucky to find a half-hour a week in which to get funky
This leads to why some of the best shows I've ever seen have come from what I like to call "75% bands." Meaning that their discography as a whole is strong, but every CD tends to have a couple of straight-up duds. Thus, it's probably always better to see them live, because chances are, they'll play the good songs and listening to CD as a whole can't possibly be the more rewarding experience. The type of bands I include in this grouping are, among others, Drive-By Truckers, My Morning Jacket (pre-"Z"), Ween, Wilco (half their albums) and Afghan Whigs. Before we go any further, I guess I'm going to have to defend my stance on Drive-By Truckers. As a concept, they're flawless. But I've been listening to them since I picked up "Southern Rock Opera" in Plan 9 music on the strength of a four-star review in Rolling Stone (honest injun!) and their main problem is that every album has a running time that's a little too generous. I realize the Skynyrd gimmick was what got "SRO" its attention, but the tracks that are the straight-up hagiography are the weakest ones. "Decoration Day" is their strongest work as a whole, but "Hell No I Ain't Happy" has to go ahead and rhyme the title with "crappy." And the second half of "The Dirty South" is a struggle to get through; three songs about Buford Pusser is two too many, and it cripples the album's momentum. But since they play about 75% of every album live anyways during their marathon-length shows, it ends up being a great experience.
Another group I'd throw in there is the Dismemberment Plan, which is probably my favorite band that I rarely listen to anymore. I like "Change" a lot, but you have to admit that there were a lot of signs that "Travistan" would turn out the way it did (see "Ellen And Ben," "it could've been off the hook, yeah"). And I can't even remember the last time "...Is Terrified!" got a spin. "Emergency & I" is a classic, and outside of professional athletes, I really doubt there's a person in their mid-20's that can't relate to it on a purely literal level. And yet, even that album has one of the most grating tracks I've ever heard ("Girl O'Clock").
Nonetheless, during their run, Travis Morrison was one of the best lyricists in any genre. The sad reality of the first few postcollegiate years is often being overeducated and underemployed, and nobody did a better job of capturing that feeling than he did. An example from "Come Home": "I'd rather be happy than right this time." We've all felt that way at one point, and that's exactly what comes to mind when I consider what happened last night in the tourney. Nothing in yesterday's post was even remotely correct, except the outcomes. I've nailed seven out of the Elite 8, but it has a lot more to do with serendipity and luck than actual analysis. So while I'm not right, I'm certainly happy.
And Villanova probably feels the same exact way. I'll lay this out right now: even though I needed 'Nova to win this game, I feel for Bill in the worst way. Since I first set foot on the Grounds in 1998, UVA has been to the NCAA Tournament once, and their game took place during my road trip to Savannah for St. Patrick's Day. Otherwise, they've never been in a situation where they've been good enough to inflict real pain (the collapse from being ranked #4 to being in the NIT in 2002 was a gradual thing), so I can't quite imagine what it's like to be a fan of the Maroon 5 right now.
This love is taking its toll on me
I watched the entire thing and I still can't figure it out. Allan Ray finally gave writers the opportunity to say he played like the photographic negative of Ray Allen. I know shooters need to have amnesia and get into a rhythm, but Ray's performance looked light years worse than Redick's even though it was technically better. Suppose your name was Abdul El-Jafar and you decided to spend September 12, 2001 walking around Hartsfield with your hands in your pockets while muttering to yourself. Maybe then you'd understand the kind of harassment J.J. Redick got from LSU. Allan Ray, on the other hand, was gunning out of control. If this were a pickup game, Foye would probably smack the shit out of him. Not that anyone else on 'Nova was much better (with the enormo excpetion of Foye). And it looked like BC had them figured out from the jump; I don't read much into a team getting off to a 9-0 run, and after UCLA's game against Gonzaga, all I really needed was them to be within double digits at the half. But it just looked like the kind of game where BC was going to thug it out while 'Nova jacked shots in frustration.
And even when Villanova seemed as if they were on the verge of taking the lead during their runs in the second half, the Eagles had an answer. Or, more accurately, the Wildcats would take some ill-advised runner in the lane. For all intents and purposes, this was a "not your night" game all the way. There wasn't even any knockout punch; 'Nova's winning shot didn't even go in the basket, which is about the most symbolic way for them to pull this out.
How did this happen? Okay, the officiating was a little spotty, but the turnovers...God. That's what did it. The way Villanova plays D, it's understandable that they're gonna get their steals. But BC was unconscionably sloppy with their passes and it seemed like any pass near the baseline was a sure fumble. And I think we all knew that Craig Smith's free throws in the Pacific game were a once-in-a-lifetime event. But that's how it goes; turning the ball over and hitting less than half of your free throws is a good way to blow it against a team that's playing like shit and inexplicably getting away with it.
I didn't get to see much of the WSU/GMU game, but every time CBS switched over, the Patriots were hitting a three or the Shockers were tossing up some ill-advised bomb. Which I guess was the story of the night anyways.
As for UConn and Florida, I think this revealed one of the secret shames of the NCAA tournament: while the games are just as close in the later rounds, they're almost always worse in an aesthetic sense. While the fact that UConn and UW went to OT probably puts it into ESPN's "Instant Classic" file, particularly in light of the fact that the Michigan/Notre Dame game is in there too. The UM/ND NIT game. But there were just as many mistakes and blown opportunities (that goes for G-town/UF too) as the BC/Nova game, and it gave a great lesson in learning to differentiate between close games and good ones.
Anyways, since I pretty much blew my proverbial wad on the Sweet 16 previews, I'm not gonna go into ones for tonight. All that shit pretty much holds up; but if you care, I've got Memphis and Texas getting it done. But if one of my guys gets ousted from the Final Four, I'd have no problem with it being done at the hands of LSU.
In other news, how awesome is this? Yeah, if you're gonna make it through Lower Merion High School in one piece, you'd better learn to like Jews. Shit, that place is so draped up and kiked out that my mom went there. And yes, that was a starting lineup of Kobe and four guys with names like Steinberg that won the state championship.
And I haven't read much of Patrick Hruby's stuff, but if this is any indication of what he cranks out on a regular basis, he's one to keep an eye on. I just hope he doesn't run into Bill Simmons in the Page 2 locker room.
I like the line about the last six seasons of "The Simpsons"; particularly because it made me think of something that's subliminally bothered me about the Page 2 writers: how come none of them ever seem to reference "The Simpsons" (Simmons is particularly egregious of this error)? I understand that their hustle is sports, but I also know that Page 2 exists to presumably give an irreverent, humorous twist on the matters of the day. They're paid to be funny about sports. Can you think of any of your friends that you would describe as "witty" that doesn't quote "The Simpsons" on a regular basis? As Megan will be more than happy to tell you, nearly every situation in this life can be supplemented with a choice cut from the Simpsons lexicon.
Yeah, I guess people within a two or three-year radius of my age are a little biased, since we were allowed to grow our senses of humor with that of "The Simpsons" in real time. But the fact that he's hung up on shows that were running concurrently with "The Simpsons" ("Beverly Hills, 90210," "Melrose Place," "Seinfeld"), that disqualifies you from using the excuse of "The Simpsons" not being of your time. The first two seasons of the show are painful to watch (in a different way than the ones these days are painful to watch), but "The Simpsons" is helped by becoming sophisticated only when we were old enough to get it. I don't know if I would've been into it had I been 16 during the first season, but shit, the Golden Age stuff is still hilarious now that I'm 26; I would've come around. The 20 year-old me would've certainly went apeshit for jokes about jack-knifed sugar trucks and Starland Vocal Band tattoos. There's simply too much longevity and cultural importance of "The Simpsons" to justify a person who considers himself a purveyor of humor ignoring it. If you were old enough to remember "The Simpsons"'s first season, internalization of that show is pretty much a stone cold requirement to be funny.
Alright, that's it for now...your favorite Open Bar All Star's gotta prepare for Barrister's Ball, a.k.a. Law Prom. It's really a lot more fun than it sounds, particularly since there's a tacit agreement in going that you will attempt to outdrink the ticket price. I wish we had an office pool where you could guess the alma mater of the drunkest guy (since 1/3 of us went to UGA undergrad, I'm assuming that would be a safe, if unexciting bet). My only concern is that I'm playing it straight in terms of eveningwear; no repeat performance of the bowtie and flip-flops ensemble from last year. My plan was to rent something from ManStyle, but they don't rock that way. Foiled, but still in the store, I considered dropping $35 on a pair of faux gators, but that seemed like a little bit of a desperation attempt to imbue some flavor in my outfit and a 100% guarantee of being an inflictor of buyer's remorse.
Last year was fun, but the execution was poor; it was twenty minutes or so away from campus and in a church. Now, that didn't stop the event from inspiring such quotes as these in the aftermath...
"I'm not going this year, but I'm sure my date will do coke in the bathroom without me."
"I saw boobs!"
"I really wish I was sober enough to see which 1L's were in a fist fight."
That last one was me. Also, the peripheral entertainment involved moneyless gambling, which is playing poker and blackjack with no financial risk, which is a complete non-entity. I guess it came in handy in one aspect: by the end, I tipped bartenders with poker chips. If I were in charge, I'd at least have gotten an air hockey table or Street Fighter II.
This year, it's downtown and we have a band whose frontwoman is Isaac Hayes' daughter. I'm torn on this, because although I'm certain I'll spend at least ten minutes begging her to play "Walk On By" or any other jewel from "Hot Buttered Soul" or "Black Moses," it will eliminate the chance of seeing your fellow classmates and professors grope each other to "Get Low." No one should be robbed of that opportunity.
Now I'm lucky to find a half-hour a week in which to get funky
posted by Ian at 12:00 PM
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