the pigs wouldn't believe that my slave name is "jackson"
- I guess it's best to save all my words on this topic for later, but let me just throw out the name of my next interview for PopMatters: O'Shea Jackson. If you're googling that, might as well stop by Stylus for my latest review. The guy in the comments is right on both fronts, but it has nothing to do with The Secret Machines.
- Not to be all Peter King and shit, but what the fuck was Neil LaBute doing manning the controls of the last episode of "House"? Even if he wasn't involved, you could've fooled me. It's not like "House" has ever been a show that's uplifting in terms of how it portrays the human spirit, but it ended with what might've been the most hateful, hope-negating five minutes in TV history. For those who missed it, two things go down:
1. A woman gives half of her liver to prolong the life of her lesbian partner even though she knows the partner was planning to kick her to the curb. Her reason? To guilt her into staying. That's amore!
2. Cameron spent the entirety of the episode whining about how Omar Epps' character stole her med journal article or something. In the end, Cameron comes to apologize for being a psycho hose beast and wants Omar to do the same. Not only does Omar feel he has nothing to apologize for, but he tells her that they're not friends and never will be. Keep in mind that House has told her to her face that he doesn't like her. I imagine this is what Joel Przyzbilla's work environment is like. Hey, I'll tell you what'll cheer Cameron up: a meth-fueled fuck romp with the Aussie! Oh, wait...
- On a tangential Peter King note, I've pretty much ignored him, mostly because I get enough tales of colonoscopies from "Grey's Anatomy" and "House." I've always been more of Dr. Z man myself, mostly because he seems like he'd be the last person to end up on "The Sports Reporters"; sure, he's grizzly as all get out, but he actually watches film and doesn't hate minorities.
I must say, though, he was triple-slippin' with his latest article, which posits an "under-the-radar" guy who will make the most impact next season in the NFL. I figure that he might talk about how Michael Robinson or Marques Hagans will be dangerous receivers or maybe about that QB from Alabama State. So who is this mystery man? Vernon Davis. Like, "mortal lock for the top ten" Vernon Davis. Unless you spent the entire year in the USC/Texas vacuum, you know this guy; I know that Clemson/Maryland was an unremarkable game as a whole, but I think it should be shown on ESPN Classic because every time Davis got the ball, it was like a scene from "Cops."
Maybe my bigger issue is how no one can really be "under the radar" anymore if there's a remote shot of them getting drafted on the first day. My second-semester 3L status demands an internet-intensive lifesteez and the Draft's all I got since Bracketology ended a month ago. There's a good shot that the time I've spent reading about the Draft might outstrip the time it takes to actually conduct the Draft. You don't tell someone who has a pretty good idea of where Joel Klopfenstein's getting drafted that Vernon Davis is an unknown quantity. And besides, he might be the first athlete of note with the initials "VD." The ceiling's been removed in terms of nickname potential. This will at least be the biggest story since UVA fans gave Travis Watson the "C-Webb" inspired nickname "T-Wat."
Here's hoping the 49ers roll the dice on him, because as bad as people paint the situation with the Saints, the 49ers are light years worse on offense. Drew Brees and Deuce McAllister are known quantities, albeit with injury concerns. And I'm sure some fantasy new jack will roll the dice on Joe Horn a couple of rounds too early. But how in God's name are there five times that were worse in 2005 than the Niners? Their biggest offensive threat was a guy who graduated from Yale. And he's been hurt so much, it's tough to not consider TE a need. You've got Alex Smith under center, a three-headed beast of Kevan Barlow, Frank Gore and Maurice Hicks at running back and I can't name any of their receivers since they traded away Brandon Lloyd and Rashaun Woods. I'm thinking that Johnnie Morton might still be around, if for no other reason than the fact that it's a good fit in light of what Matt Millen said about him.
- Speaking of C-Webb, folks were wondering if Tuesday was his and AI's last day in a Sixer uniform. It's not, and that's for two reasons: one, they weren't in uniform and two, they are most certainly going to be back for next year. AI's been on record saying he's goin' nowhere, and unlike Big Pun proferring the same statement on "It's So Hard," this time it's true.
The problem isn't so much that the Sixers won't pull the trigger due to lack of equal value. Trust me, I wouldn't put any ass-backwards trade past Billy King, and AI was a man who was thisclose to being traded for Jerry Stackhouse and Moneybags Matt Geiger. Personally, I would've held out for Rasheed, since if there's anybody that needs to be a Sixer at some point in his career, it's him The issue is what team would possibly take AI? Or could? This isn't a situation like with Clyde Drexler, Karl Malone, Gary Payton or some other superstar that's going ring shopping. For one thing, AI's still good for 30/7 a game and he's nowhere near being a rotation guy. You pretty much have to build your team around him, and what squad has the ability to do that? You always have to throw the Knicks into something like this, and if they did manage to pull the trigger, it's only because killing Larry Brown would probably be less expensive than buying it out. The Warriors seem to have a lot of movable parts, but if Chris Mullin and Billy King were in the same room for an hour, the intelligence vacuum would suck in the tri-state area. I seriously doubt that they'd beat the Manning brothers in Connect Four.
The only trades that really make sense are the Blazers giving up Miles and Randolph or the T-Wolves offering KG straight-up. The first situation would be like trading Carl Everett for Milton Bradley, but the second one is more intriguing. Both are world-class talents whose skills haven't really diminished; it's just a "we should see other people" scenario and this is the cleanest switcheroo you can pull.
But the larger issue is that the Sixers can still win with AI. The problem in the past was that there was no legitimate second scoring option. C-Webb averaged 20/10 this year and played in 75 games. Iguodala is starting to emerge as a star and Kyle Korver actually manages to score ten points every time he plays in an NBA contest. Scoring's the least of their concerns now; the bigger issue is that they can't play any defense whatsoever and Dalembert is the latest of Sixer moneypits at the five spot. Is this team really all that much worse than the one that got to the NBA Finals? Yeah, it was a younger, more spry AI, but his supporting cast included the likes of Aaron "Quiet Storm" McKie, Eric Snow, a fossilized Dikembe, Theo Ratliff and Toni Kukoc. Really. So all things told, we just need to trade Detroit to the Western Conference for Memphis or something.
- I've been told that the hockey season ended, which is good news considering that I haven't been able to see any Flyers games this year. Watching the NHL playoffs is the most underrated TV experience out there; yeah, it gets criticized for being longer than those of the NBA (which is saying something), but it's hockey the way it should be: only sixteen teams and a two-month season. Moreover, the excitement starts from day one while the NBA playoffs don't get exciting until the conference finals (this year is an exception should the Spurs and Mavs meet up). Regardless of the Ovechkin/Crosby thing, the season itself didn't create too many compelling storylines. Oh sure, the Rangers made the playoffs, but fuck them.
And fuck the Canadiens, who can't go five minutes without giving up three goals. Wondrous...so instead of a home series against the Rangers (who suck as far as I know), we get the Sabres (who do not suck as far as I know) with a Game Seven at Midland. I haven't followed the Flyers all too closely, but I know they're a squad with a huge payroll, some star names, questionable goaltending and a spate of injuries. Add that to the fact that I have no desire to see the Devils in the playoffs and Detroit's running away with the league, and what we have here is the same old shit I've been dealing with for what seems like the last decade.
- Not to be all Peter King and shit, but what the fuck was Neil LaBute doing manning the controls of the last episode of "House"? Even if he wasn't involved, you could've fooled me. It's not like "House" has ever been a show that's uplifting in terms of how it portrays the human spirit, but it ended with what might've been the most hateful, hope-negating five minutes in TV history. For those who missed it, two things go down:
1. A woman gives half of her liver to prolong the life of her lesbian partner even though she knows the partner was planning to kick her to the curb. Her reason? To guilt her into staying. That's amore!
2. Cameron spent the entirety of the episode whining about how Omar Epps' character stole her med journal article or something. In the end, Cameron comes to apologize for being a psycho hose beast and wants Omar to do the same. Not only does Omar feel he has nothing to apologize for, but he tells her that they're not friends and never will be. Keep in mind that House has told her to her face that he doesn't like her. I imagine this is what Joel Przyzbilla's work environment is like. Hey, I'll tell you what'll cheer Cameron up: a meth-fueled fuck romp with the Aussie! Oh, wait...
- On a tangential Peter King note, I've pretty much ignored him, mostly because I get enough tales of colonoscopies from "Grey's Anatomy" and "House." I've always been more of Dr. Z man myself, mostly because he seems like he'd be the last person to end up on "The Sports Reporters"; sure, he's grizzly as all get out, but he actually watches film and doesn't hate minorities.
I must say, though, he was triple-slippin' with his latest article, which posits an "under-the-radar" guy who will make the most impact next season in the NFL. I figure that he might talk about how Michael Robinson or Marques Hagans will be dangerous receivers or maybe about that QB from Alabama State. So who is this mystery man? Vernon Davis. Like, "mortal lock for the top ten" Vernon Davis. Unless you spent the entire year in the USC/Texas vacuum, you know this guy; I know that Clemson/Maryland was an unremarkable game as a whole, but I think it should be shown on ESPN Classic because every time Davis got the ball, it was like a scene from "Cops."
Maybe my bigger issue is how no one can really be "under the radar" anymore if there's a remote shot of them getting drafted on the first day. My second-semester 3L status demands an internet-intensive lifesteez and the Draft's all I got since Bracketology ended a month ago. There's a good shot that the time I've spent reading about the Draft might outstrip the time it takes to actually conduct the Draft. You don't tell someone who has a pretty good idea of where Joel Klopfenstein's getting drafted that Vernon Davis is an unknown quantity. And besides, he might be the first athlete of note with the initials "VD." The ceiling's been removed in terms of nickname potential. This will at least be the biggest story since UVA fans gave Travis Watson the "C-Webb" inspired nickname "T-Wat."
Here's hoping the 49ers roll the dice on him, because as bad as people paint the situation with the Saints, the 49ers are light years worse on offense. Drew Brees and Deuce McAllister are known quantities, albeit with injury concerns. And I'm sure some fantasy new jack will roll the dice on Joe Horn a couple of rounds too early. But how in God's name are there five times that were worse in 2005 than the Niners? Their biggest offensive threat was a guy who graduated from Yale. And he's been hurt so much, it's tough to not consider TE a need. You've got Alex Smith under center, a three-headed beast of Kevan Barlow, Frank Gore and Maurice Hicks at running back and I can't name any of their receivers since they traded away Brandon Lloyd and Rashaun Woods. I'm thinking that Johnnie Morton might still be around, if for no other reason than the fact that it's a good fit in light of what Matt Millen said about him.
- Speaking of C-Webb, folks were wondering if Tuesday was his and AI's last day in a Sixer uniform. It's not, and that's for two reasons: one, they weren't in uniform and two, they are most certainly going to be back for next year. AI's been on record saying he's goin' nowhere, and unlike Big Pun proferring the same statement on "It's So Hard," this time it's true.
The problem isn't so much that the Sixers won't pull the trigger due to lack of equal value. Trust me, I wouldn't put any ass-backwards trade past Billy King, and AI was a man who was thisclose to being traded for Jerry Stackhouse and Moneybags Matt Geiger. Personally, I would've held out for Rasheed, since if there's anybody that needs to be a Sixer at some point in his career, it's him The issue is what team would possibly take AI? Or could? This isn't a situation like with Clyde Drexler, Karl Malone, Gary Payton or some other superstar that's going ring shopping. For one thing, AI's still good for 30/7 a game and he's nowhere near being a rotation guy. You pretty much have to build your team around him, and what squad has the ability to do that? You always have to throw the Knicks into something like this, and if they did manage to pull the trigger, it's only because killing Larry Brown would probably be less expensive than buying it out. The Warriors seem to have a lot of movable parts, but if Chris Mullin and Billy King were in the same room for an hour, the intelligence vacuum would suck in the tri-state area. I seriously doubt that they'd beat the Manning brothers in Connect Four.
The only trades that really make sense are the Blazers giving up Miles and Randolph or the T-Wolves offering KG straight-up. The first situation would be like trading Carl Everett for Milton Bradley, but the second one is more intriguing. Both are world-class talents whose skills haven't really diminished; it's just a "we should see other people" scenario and this is the cleanest switcheroo you can pull.
But the larger issue is that the Sixers can still win with AI. The problem in the past was that there was no legitimate second scoring option. C-Webb averaged 20/10 this year and played in 75 games. Iguodala is starting to emerge as a star and Kyle Korver actually manages to score ten points every time he plays in an NBA contest. Scoring's the least of their concerns now; the bigger issue is that they can't play any defense whatsoever and Dalembert is the latest of Sixer moneypits at the five spot. Is this team really all that much worse than the one that got to the NBA Finals? Yeah, it was a younger, more spry AI, but his supporting cast included the likes of Aaron "Quiet Storm" McKie, Eric Snow, a fossilized Dikembe, Theo Ratliff and Toni Kukoc. Really. So all things told, we just need to trade Detroit to the Western Conference for Memphis or something.
- I've been told that the hockey season ended, which is good news considering that I haven't been able to see any Flyers games this year. Watching the NHL playoffs is the most underrated TV experience out there; yeah, it gets criticized for being longer than those of the NBA (which is saying something), but it's hockey the way it should be: only sixteen teams and a two-month season. Moreover, the excitement starts from day one while the NBA playoffs don't get exciting until the conference finals (this year is an exception should the Spurs and Mavs meet up). Regardless of the Ovechkin/Crosby thing, the season itself didn't create too many compelling storylines. Oh sure, the Rangers made the playoffs, but fuck them.
And fuck the Canadiens, who can't go five minutes without giving up three goals. Wondrous...so instead of a home series against the Rangers (who suck as far as I know), we get the Sabres (who do not suck as far as I know) with a Game Seven at Midland. I haven't followed the Flyers all too closely, but I know they're a squad with a huge payroll, some star names, questionable goaltending and a spate of injuries. Add that to the fact that I have no desire to see the Devils in the playoffs and Detroit's running away with the league, and what we have here is the same old shit I've been dealing with for what seems like the last decade.
posted by Ian at 1:46 PM
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