like lyric records, i ain't tryin' to hear it
Music criticism isn't a full-service industry. While you'd like to think that most websites you frequent are compassing all facets of the art, it's obvious that each one has their bread and butter stuff. In any given year, there's a good shot that Pitchfork or Stylus will name a Sub Pop or Merge or Matador release their #1 album of the year (this year, it probably should be Frenchkiss, but I'll get to that soon). PopMatters and Paste cotton to the upwardly mobile white woman and Aimee Mann may as well get some lifetime achievement award from them. If Bob Dylan or the Rolling Stones made an album, pencil it in for a five-star review at Rolling Stone. And if it sucks, odds are, it'll make the cover of Spin eventually.
What I'm getting at is even if someone claims to listen to "everything," it can't possibly be true. The Stylus message board is a supersmorg of new releases, all of which I can have for free. But I nonetheless have to pass on a lot of them because there's simply not enough hours in the day for it all. And this is coming from someone who won't start his new day job until October 9.
The way I usually figure out whether or not I can take it is if I can honestly ask myself, "is this from a genre where I can tell the difference between the good stuff and bad stuff?" You'd be surprised how much this eliminates. No matter how much my forthform chums rave about Hecker, Xela and whatnot, all ambient/white noise/experimental post rock sounds exactly like Fennesz to me, no worse or no better. And let's face it, the only reason I tried to get into Fennesz in the first place was because it ranked so highly on both 'Fork and Stylus' top albums list of the new decade.
But sometimes, I'm willing to give things a shot out just for the hell of it. As I've said, I've got a lot of time on my hands right now. So, without further Apu, Ian's 2006 In Review, the "I can't believe I listened to this" Edition...
John Mayer- "Continuum"
I've written before about how it's hard to believe that songs like "Get Ready For This" or "Who Let The Dogs Out" were ever new. They're so woven into our cultural fabric that it seems impossible that they actually climbed charts and gained public awareness as opposed to just appearing from the ether.
I'd throw in most adult-contemporary music into the ring as well. At some point, guys like Steve Winwood and Bruce Hornsby were in the process of being hitmakers as opposed to mainstays on radio stations that get played in banks ("that's just the way it is, indeed"). Of course, most people also forget that even during our halcyon days of MTV, you'd be just as likely to see Richard Marx rockin' out in Wrigley Field as you were to see Dr. Dre or Nirvana.
And by the way, I saw a placard up the other day which advertised the new N.W.A. book...from Jerry Heller's perspective. I thought he'd wait for the rest of the group to die out before actually releasing this, but I guess he figures that most of them are too rich to really give a fuck about the guy anymore (this is probably not true of M.C. Ren). Is it possible that Jerry Heller is modern day Colonel Sam Phillips? Dude was absolutely immortalized in the "Dre Day" video; "I work for Sleazy E..." God, those videos were great. They really just don't make 'em like they used to. I always agreed with the premise of the "What They Do" video, but not because diamonds and champagne and video ho's were a bad thing. It was because the Hype Williams/Little X era was when rap videos stopped being funny.
The greatness of the videos from "The Chronic" stemmed from the fact that they had hilarious ideas and nowhere near enough video-making savvy to ruin them with production values. Watch a hip-hop movie and the outtakes are always funnier than the movie itself. Hip-hop's always at its best when there's a certain lack of pretension involved. There's a big difference between that girl getting sprayed with 40s at the end of "Nuthin' But A G Thang" and Dame Dash pouring Armadale on a bunch of girls in bikinis.
Oh, right...John Mayer. Anyways, I wanted to give this a shot, not just because it's getting oddly reverant critical acclaim, but because it's my chance to experience the release of a Bruce Hornsby album when I'm old enough to know what it means. Let's face it: pegging this dude as a Dave Matthews clone was dead wrong. John Mayer is wise beyond his years when it comes to being ready for adult-contemporary rotation.
This isn't "sensitive white boy with an acoustic and a story to tell" anymore, but it just might be worse: smarmy Papa Soul belting with the sort of anaesthetized Blueshammer riffs that are described with faint praise like "tasteful" and "restrained." I've said before that you shouldn't let his music interfere with the fact that he's kind of the Man, but you'd probably be better off avoiding his music in full. Listening to this makes me wonder who actually picks up a guitar for the first time, dreaming of one day making music like this. But I guess I'm in the minority; as long as American Idol retains its popularity, I'll always know the answer to the question I found myself asking for years before it became a TV smash: "is there really anyone out there who dreams of being the next John Secada?"
I guess you can say this stuff is pretty well-written. The guy certainly doesn't betray his Berklee training, and there is a melodic complexity inherent in his work. The problem is that it's unimaginably dull. There isn't even a "Your Body Is A Wonderland" or "Daughters" in there to rile you into a murderous rage. It's so polite and unhurried that you wonder what he ever did to make you hate him in the first place. Except for "Waiting For The World To Change," which is his "political song." I was thinking about live-blogging this album, and here's the lyrics that made me think it could've been a wonderful thing:
it's hard to beat the system
when we're standing at a distance
now if we had the power
to bring our neighbors home from war
they would have never missed a Christmas
no more ribbons on their door
and when you trust your television
what you get is what you got
cause when they own the information, oh
they can bend it all they want
Oh, and this is by far the best one...
one day our generation
is gonna rule the population
But why not throw in the last verse, just for kicks?
me and all my friends
we're all misunderstood
they say we stand for nothing and
there's no way we ever could
now we see everything that's going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
we just feel like we don't have the means
to rise above and beat it
Then he goes on about drowning in your secret garden or whatever, but there you have it. John Mayer: political firebrand. Lovely.
And to answer your question, no, I couldn't get through the whole thing. And fortunately, since I'll never have to be in the car with my old boss from the GLA, I'll never have to involuntarily be subjected to it ever again.
N.O.R.E.- "Y La Familia Ya Tu Sabe"
Forgive me for prejudging, but I had my doubts about the guy who's said the following being a cultural liaison:
"Yo, let's get loose, Hennessy straight with tomato juice
"I gotta keep my mouth shut and don't say 'what what'"
"Fuck a closet, I keep my fuckin' gear in the truck"
"I don't really like to fuck...you see, you's a big diesel dude. You probably got a lot more energy than me."
Oh, and there's the matter of the two most ignant skits of all time ("Shows!" "Wet Willies"), possibly topping that "I'm A Ho" joint from the Ruff Ryders compilation I can't remember off the top of my head.
But here we are. Rather than playing to his strengths (Swizz Beatz/sub-Cam'ron thug bluster), he's made a reggaeton primer, I assume for people who would never buy a reggaeton album. So what is this, like, the "O, Hermano, Donde Esta?" Hard to say. It's all based on pretty much the same beat, and I can't really tell what anyone's saying in Spanish. Then again, with N.O.R.E., that's probably a good thing; I'm told that a lot of the Pitbull and Daddy Yankee stuff is actually mind-bendingly filthy. A year ago, this may have gotten some interest, but I can't imagine anyone who isn't Hispanic actively seeking a reggaeton album in October of 2006.
Mastodon- "Blood Mountain"
Metal is a tough nut for me to crack. With the pop stuff, if it's catchy, I can go with that. With the instrumental stuff, it's all prettified and I can chill to it, that works. But what about metal? What can even the best stuff do for me?
I've tried though, for the most part using the Metacritic filter in order to see which stuff I could get down with. I tried that drone-metal stuff like Isis and SunnO))) and laughed my ass off. Well, we're seeing a bit of a metal uptick as of late with bands like Lamb Of God and Mastodon getting major label deals. Apparently, these guys might be more in common with stuff on Headbanger's Ball back when it was watchable, but then again, I have a copy of "Vulgar Display Of Power" that I haven't played in years. Even if "Fucking Hostile" is the jam, I always thought Pantera was for people who wished Metallica was more overtly racist. Like how Bob Seger was for people who thought Bruce Springsteen was a pinko fag.
But anyways, if your favorite music site doesn't have a "metal" guy, they definitely should. To me, it's just as necessary as the "jazz" guy or the "techno" guy; there's a lot more to the genre that you think, and you need someone who can parse it out for the rest of us, particularly since they are far more "insider" cultures than indie rock or hip-hop, which have tons of crossover fans. A Wolf Parade fan is far more likely to be into Three 6 Mafia than they are with Jesu.
I can say without a doubt the best "metal" guy out there writes for Stylus. And Cosmo Lee's the best because his reviews are the most informative; you will definitely come out of anything he writes feeling like a foremost expert on the band and most importantly, he tells you what it sounds like. He's reversing the damage that decades of music critics with more education than Congressmen have done.
But he was a little lukewarm on "Blood Mountain," and quite concerned about what a major label would do to them. Since it's "outsider metal" with major label backing, I guess that makes me a good canary in the coalmine for something like this, and I gotta tell you: it's kinda awesome. It probably is the equivalent of hearing an old Metallica album for the first time, particularly since it starts off with a ridiculous drum solo and a Motorhead riff. The important thing about all of this is while there's no "Enter Sandman" to be an entree for guys like me, the instrumental work is very melodic and exploratory into light and shade. It's probably not the kind of thing I'd play for other people or even love, but it rocks in a proggy "Mars Volta if they didn't blow" way and I'm glad this is gettting the attention it has.
Thursday- "A City By The Light Divided"
For a while, I thought I was going to review this for Stylus, and I'm glad it didn't happen because no matter what grade I gave it, I would've regretted it in retrospect. Not since Slipknot's "Iowa" has an album been so awesome, yet clearly kinda suck at the same time.
A big part of that has to do with Dave Fridmann. I'm a huge fan of his work (even though "The Soft Bulletin" is probably my third favorite album of his, behind "Deserter's Songs" and "Hate"), but when you consider the whimsical, funhouse LPs he's known for, it seems like a bad fit for the most dead serious rock band in the biz. Ah, but neither know a thing about restraint.
And that's pretty much a prerequisite knowledge before entering this experience: it's the loudest album I think I've ever heard. Stylus writer Nick Southall has done an incredible series about the modern trend of overusing compression and whatnot (READ!), and I just wonder if he's ever heard this album. Probably not, because it'll make his head explode.
I can't front: this is a great album to listen to at the gym. Probably because the gym is so noisy that you have to push the volume on your iPod to the point where this starts making sonic sense. But otherwise, Fridmann uses volume like a blunt object, breaking every bone in the sonic structure to the point where it's just a distorted blob at times. This is the kind of album where you see the second-to-last song is called "Into Blinding Light" and you just know it's going to build into defeaning distortion. Which it does.
But I imagine this is the best album Thursday will make; there's a lot less screamo than in the past, and even if Fridmann works to their disadvantage at times, he stills makes things a lot more interesting. If nothing else, it's just more proof that when emo bands go for "atmospheric," they almost always end up sounding like U2. Plus, "Counting 5-4-3-2-1" really fucking rocks, almost singlehandedly making up for the inclusion of "We Will Overcome." That's the sort of ballsy but misguided appropriation of black culture I'd usually expect from Greg Dulli, but here, it's simply used as a lazy catch-all because Geoff Rickly mentions "Strange Fruit" and the Iraq War and can't think of anyway to tie them together.
So we're back where we started really. Great for an album of its kind, but it'll do nothing to change your mind if you're not actively trying to like Thursday. It just makes me think of what Jonathan Bradley once wrote; in essence, if critics are so hyped up about music intended for teenage girls, why is music for teenage boys completely marginalized? People should've cared a lot more about this album (Island/Def Jam included). Hey, speaking of which...
Justin Timberlake- "FutureSex/LoveSounds"
I remember some day in October last year being an enormous release Tuesday; I think "Z," "You Could Have It So Much Better," "Extraordinary Machine" and some other stuff came out all at once, and I spent the day skipping law school to give 'em a spin while watching the MLB playoffs. It looks like September 12th was that day this year, as there's an unheard of amount of major-indie stars dropping. And that's in addition to TV On The Radio and Junior Boys, whose albums have been leaked for months.
But you know which album is probably got the most attention? You guessed...Well, here's the thing: your favorite critic is probably going ape for what is essentially the male answer to Christina Aguilera's "Stripped." Seriously, have you read some of the shit this guy is saying? He spends the first part of his Rolling Stone interview talking about how much weed he smokes, and then there's this kicker, in regards to how he wants people to approach this...
"Maybe everybody was coked up, but who cares? It was hot. It was all about sex."
Come the fuck on. Okay, so he's done drugs and likes sex. 99% of my friends have done drugs and enjoy fucking. Remeber this past week as the exact point where your major internet outlets completely lost their fucking minds (Jeff does a better job of covering it here). At least when Lance Bass was trying to distance himself from his 'N Sync past, he was sincere about it, and there's a good chance JT's sucking more black dick than he is. J.C. Chasez works with Basement Jaxx fer cryin' out loud, and he can't get one lick of attention. Okay, he did have a song called "Some Girls Dance With Girls" or whatever.
But it's not like that's any less blatant than the shit going on here. Justin Timberlake wants you to think he's some modern day version of Prince just because he shows up to a Rolling Stone shoot with a guitar and uses the word "sex" about 12,000 times throughout this album. Elevate him to "King of Pop" or "King of Sex" (Rolling Stone, eww!), but I'll finance your hearing test if you think anything here has the melodic sense of "Take Me With U," the lyrical resonance of "When Doves Cry" or the rock dynamics of "Let's Go Crazy." Granted, this may seem like an unwinnable contest, going up against what's easily one of the best albums ever made. But hey, if you're gonna liken him to Prince or Michael Jackson in the first place, you'll look as foolish as you did when you compared Kanye to Stevie Wonder last year.
And for all the talk of this being a party album, this whole thing is about as sexy and fun as date rape. Come on, are you that scared of being called a "rockist" if you're honest about this album's merits? For those of you who read blogs rather than write them, imagine Sammy Davis, Jr. was 25 years old and an internet music critic. Now, suppose you call him the n-word and then go on to say, "and you're a fucking kike as well." The next thing you call him is a "rockist." Which one would offend him the most? It's a lot closer than you think (although I'd say "kike" is a distance third).
Back to this pile, it's one man trying to prove to the world that he's a cool guy. And cool don't advertise. It's got all of the eerie gloss of Daft Punk's "Discovery" or Missy Elliott's "So Addictive," but rather than being a paean to E-enhanced love, it's as dead serious in its artistic pretensions as any Radiohead album. And here's the funny part: for a person with his background, you can't even fall back on the singing. You just get his bullshit mack posturing and uncomfortable innuendo in a weedy falsetto and Timbaland absolutely coasting on his beats. I can understand why people would be into "Rock Your Body" or "Cry Me A River"; I remember hearing the entirety of "Justified" because when I was visiting my friend at Penn State in 2002, his girlfriend was the designated driver one night. At least those were, respectively, airy, MJ-aping fun and one of Timbaland's more interesting productions.
But here, the backing tracks are flavorless (we can't even get a "Dirt Off Your Shoulders" anymore) and the sense of fun has been replaced by a positively predatory vibe. Yes, ladies and gents, it's come to this. I have to explain to you why a Justin Timberlake album is worthless. C'mon, y'all: this sucks and you know it. I guarantee I'll hear comments about "it's fun!" or whatnot, but when it comes to hipsters (you know who you are) pounding Sparks and shaking their asses to JT, I'll believe it when I see it. When push comes to shove, they're at the Serena Maneesh show.
The Rapture- "Pieces Of The People That We Love"
Every music publication has a moment that'll make you think "they'll never live this down." It happens just about every time Rolling Stone trots out a five-star review. Spin picking "Bandwagonesque" over "Nevermind" as their #1 album of 1991 is like the bassist from Interpol having herpes: you'd be amazed how many people know about it, and even more amazed how frequently it's brought up. I write for a publication that picked "Blueberry Boat" and "Arular" as their last two #1s. Unless "Ys" ends up at the top spot (prediction: no f'in way), I doubt we'll see a repeat.
Obviously, this is leading up to "Echoes" being named Pitchfork's #1 of 2003. It seemed like a pretty big shock at the time, because it was a divisive album of the highest order. Not in the "oh, they're just ripoffs of Band X" way, but in the "these guys can't play their instruments and they really fucking suck" way.
In retrospect, it's not as bad of a choice at it once seemed. I like "Echoes," but it's not perfect. I'm not sure how they could be called "dance-punk" when "Heaven" and "Open Your Heart" would clear floors out like Agent Orange. But when you look back at 2003, what else was there? The Shins are outstanding, and it's perfectly reasonable for them to take four years to make 30 minutes of recorded music, but I don't consider "Chutes Too Narrow" to be life-altering. "Michigan" was good, but clearly a stepping stone for the superior-in-every-way "Illinois." "Decoration Day" is among the most underrated albums to come along this century, and will probably remain the only Drive-By Truckers album that doesn't require liberal use of the skip button. I probably would've voted for something along the lines of "The Meadowlands" or "Transatlanticism" at the time, but let's not forget: I was undergoing my first year of law school. I still think they're great albums, but they're nowhere near as resonant as they used to be.
It's doubtful that the new album will be anywhere near as galvanizing, even though it's probably better. Just know beforehand you're not getting a "House Of Jealous Lovers." But you're not getting a "Heaven" either. The closest you get to a dud here is "Calling Me," which was produced by none other than...ta-da! Danger Mouse.
Elsewhere, you get the feeling that Gang of Four was a pretty poor comparison for these guys and they're actually more like the Happy Mondays; music that's far funkier and funnier than it should be. I imagine the day we find out for certain that Luke Jenner is retarded will be about as big of a non-story as the day we find out for certain that Cam'ron is actually gay.
New eyeliner, you was flirtin' with a gay designer
Obviously, this sounds like an insult, but you need to lack a certain guile to make the kind of music Rapture's peddling (the same could be said of New Order). Especially when the first words on your new album are "high...high as the sky. Low....low as it goes. Purple dragons fly into your eyes. Milkshake shimmy, cry and cry and cry." Or when you base a six-minute song on the hook "my, my, my, my Mustang Ford." And then the colored girls sing...
But this is probably one of my favorite albums of the year because it works so well within its boundaries. They've pretty much figured out that they're a party band and no one could care less about Rapture themselves; although that may not be true on the possibly-Goodie Mob-quoting "W.U.H.Y.," which is either complete genius or the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Really, this will probably end up in my Top Twenty at the end of the year, mostly because of its consistency and the fact that it knows its limitations and is far funkier than it has any right to be.
Fujiya & Miyagi- "Transparent Things"
Yes, I realize Chuck Klosterman preempted me on this, but really, there's so little that can be considered "guilty pleasures" in an artistic sense. Killing a hobo because it gives you an erection: guilty pleasure. Anything else is fine as long as it's sincere as opposed to trying to put on a front for imaginary girls who want to have sex with music critics for their views on Justin Timberlake.
Nonetheless, I really didn't want to like this album. First off, there's that name and the dudes aren't even Japanese (they say as much in one of the songs). Then, the two names that kept coming up in describing it were "DFA" and "Neu!". But yes, while it's music critic music of the highest order, it's surprisingly danceable stuff. And here's why (as well as the reason why I don't mind liking this): a good portion reminds me a lot of "C'mon Ride It (The Train)." Obviously, not the singing. But for whatever reason, if you think of the backing track (particularly the bass) you're part of the way there. So for all of you who picked "ten years" for the amount of time it would take the influence of Quad City DJ's to fully manifest itself in indie rock, take a bow.
Also, the subject title and some of the quotes contained herein are tributes to Kool Keith's "Sex Style"...when you're in California, here's what you need to know: don't drive anywhere near some place you recall from "The Chronic." If it's referenced on "Sex Style," however, it's likely very safe (no foolin'). Also, on my way to the gym, I pass by Fairfax High School. I wish I could go back in time to tell this to the Ian that regularly listened to "One Hot Minute"; this fact would completely blow his fucking mind.
What I'm getting at is even if someone claims to listen to "everything," it can't possibly be true. The Stylus message board is a supersmorg of new releases, all of which I can have for free. But I nonetheless have to pass on a lot of them because there's simply not enough hours in the day for it all. And this is coming from someone who won't start his new day job until October 9.
The way I usually figure out whether or not I can take it is if I can honestly ask myself, "is this from a genre where I can tell the difference between the good stuff and bad stuff?" You'd be surprised how much this eliminates. No matter how much my forthform chums rave about Hecker, Xela and whatnot, all ambient/white noise/experimental post rock sounds exactly like Fennesz to me, no worse or no better. And let's face it, the only reason I tried to get into Fennesz in the first place was because it ranked so highly on both 'Fork and Stylus' top albums list of the new decade.
But sometimes, I'm willing to give things a shot out just for the hell of it. As I've said, I've got a lot of time on my hands right now. So, without further Apu, Ian's 2006 In Review, the "I can't believe I listened to this" Edition...
John Mayer- "Continuum"
I've written before about how it's hard to believe that songs like "Get Ready For This" or "Who Let The Dogs Out" were ever new. They're so woven into our cultural fabric that it seems impossible that they actually climbed charts and gained public awareness as opposed to just appearing from the ether.
I'd throw in most adult-contemporary music into the ring as well. At some point, guys like Steve Winwood and Bruce Hornsby were in the process of being hitmakers as opposed to mainstays on radio stations that get played in banks ("that's just the way it is, indeed"). Of course, most people also forget that even during our halcyon days of MTV, you'd be just as likely to see Richard Marx rockin' out in Wrigley Field as you were to see Dr. Dre or Nirvana.
And by the way, I saw a placard up the other day which advertised the new N.W.A. book...from Jerry Heller's perspective. I thought he'd wait for the rest of the group to die out before actually releasing this, but I guess he figures that most of them are too rich to really give a fuck about the guy anymore (this is probably not true of M.C. Ren). Is it possible that Jerry Heller is modern day Colonel Sam Phillips? Dude was absolutely immortalized in the "Dre Day" video; "I work for Sleazy E..." God, those videos were great. They really just don't make 'em like they used to. I always agreed with the premise of the "What They Do" video, but not because diamonds and champagne and video ho's were a bad thing. It was because the Hype Williams/Little X era was when rap videos stopped being funny.
The greatness of the videos from "The Chronic" stemmed from the fact that they had hilarious ideas and nowhere near enough video-making savvy to ruin them with production values. Watch a hip-hop movie and the outtakes are always funnier than the movie itself. Hip-hop's always at its best when there's a certain lack of pretension involved. There's a big difference between that girl getting sprayed with 40s at the end of "Nuthin' But A G Thang" and Dame Dash pouring Armadale on a bunch of girls in bikinis.
Oh, right...John Mayer. Anyways, I wanted to give this a shot, not just because it's getting oddly reverant critical acclaim, but because it's my chance to experience the release of a Bruce Hornsby album when I'm old enough to know what it means. Let's face it: pegging this dude as a Dave Matthews clone was dead wrong. John Mayer is wise beyond his years when it comes to being ready for adult-contemporary rotation.
This isn't "sensitive white boy with an acoustic and a story to tell" anymore, but it just might be worse: smarmy Papa Soul belting with the sort of anaesthetized Blueshammer riffs that are described with faint praise like "tasteful" and "restrained." I've said before that you shouldn't let his music interfere with the fact that he's kind of the Man, but you'd probably be better off avoiding his music in full. Listening to this makes me wonder who actually picks up a guitar for the first time, dreaming of one day making music like this. But I guess I'm in the minority; as long as American Idol retains its popularity, I'll always know the answer to the question I found myself asking for years before it became a TV smash: "is there really anyone out there who dreams of being the next John Secada?"
I guess you can say this stuff is pretty well-written. The guy certainly doesn't betray his Berklee training, and there is a melodic complexity inherent in his work. The problem is that it's unimaginably dull. There isn't even a "Your Body Is A Wonderland" or "Daughters" in there to rile you into a murderous rage. It's so polite and unhurried that you wonder what he ever did to make you hate him in the first place. Except for "Waiting For The World To Change," which is his "political song." I was thinking about live-blogging this album, and here's the lyrics that made me think it could've been a wonderful thing:
it's hard to beat the system
when we're standing at a distance
now if we had the power
to bring our neighbors home from war
they would have never missed a Christmas
no more ribbons on their door
and when you trust your television
what you get is what you got
cause when they own the information, oh
they can bend it all they want
Oh, and this is by far the best one...
one day our generation
is gonna rule the population
But why not throw in the last verse, just for kicks?
me and all my friends
we're all misunderstood
they say we stand for nothing and
there's no way we ever could
now we see everything that's going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
we just feel like we don't have the means
to rise above and beat it
Then he goes on about drowning in your secret garden or whatever, but there you have it. John Mayer: political firebrand. Lovely.
And to answer your question, no, I couldn't get through the whole thing. And fortunately, since I'll never have to be in the car with my old boss from the GLA, I'll never have to involuntarily be subjected to it ever again.
N.O.R.E.- "Y La Familia Ya Tu Sabe"
Forgive me for prejudging, but I had my doubts about the guy who's said the following being a cultural liaison:
"Yo, let's get loose, Hennessy straight with tomato juice
"I gotta keep my mouth shut and don't say 'what what'"
"Fuck a closet, I keep my fuckin' gear in the truck"
"I don't really like to fuck...you see, you's a big diesel dude. You probably got a lot more energy than me."
Oh, and there's the matter of the two most ignant skits of all time ("Shows!" "Wet Willies"), possibly topping that "I'm A Ho" joint from the Ruff Ryders compilation I can't remember off the top of my head.
But here we are. Rather than playing to his strengths (Swizz Beatz/sub-Cam'ron thug bluster), he's made a reggaeton primer, I assume for people who would never buy a reggaeton album. So what is this, like, the "O, Hermano, Donde Esta?" Hard to say. It's all based on pretty much the same beat, and I can't really tell what anyone's saying in Spanish. Then again, with N.O.R.E., that's probably a good thing; I'm told that a lot of the Pitbull and Daddy Yankee stuff is actually mind-bendingly filthy. A year ago, this may have gotten some interest, but I can't imagine anyone who isn't Hispanic actively seeking a reggaeton album in October of 2006.
Mastodon- "Blood Mountain"
Metal is a tough nut for me to crack. With the pop stuff, if it's catchy, I can go with that. With the instrumental stuff, it's all prettified and I can chill to it, that works. But what about metal? What can even the best stuff do for me?
I've tried though, for the most part using the Metacritic filter in order to see which stuff I could get down with. I tried that drone-metal stuff like Isis and SunnO))) and laughed my ass off. Well, we're seeing a bit of a metal uptick as of late with bands like Lamb Of God and Mastodon getting major label deals. Apparently, these guys might be more in common with stuff on Headbanger's Ball back when it was watchable, but then again, I have a copy of "Vulgar Display Of Power" that I haven't played in years. Even if "Fucking Hostile" is the jam, I always thought Pantera was for people who wished Metallica was more overtly racist. Like how Bob Seger was for people who thought Bruce Springsteen was a pinko fag.
But anyways, if your favorite music site doesn't have a "metal" guy, they definitely should. To me, it's just as necessary as the "jazz" guy or the "techno" guy; there's a lot more to the genre that you think, and you need someone who can parse it out for the rest of us, particularly since they are far more "insider" cultures than indie rock or hip-hop, which have tons of crossover fans. A Wolf Parade fan is far more likely to be into Three 6 Mafia than they are with Jesu.
I can say without a doubt the best "metal" guy out there writes for Stylus. And Cosmo Lee's the best because his reviews are the most informative; you will definitely come out of anything he writes feeling like a foremost expert on the band and most importantly, he tells you what it sounds like. He's reversing the damage that decades of music critics with more education than Congressmen have done.
But he was a little lukewarm on "Blood Mountain," and quite concerned about what a major label would do to them. Since it's "outsider metal" with major label backing, I guess that makes me a good canary in the coalmine for something like this, and I gotta tell you: it's kinda awesome. It probably is the equivalent of hearing an old Metallica album for the first time, particularly since it starts off with a ridiculous drum solo and a Motorhead riff. The important thing about all of this is while there's no "Enter Sandman" to be an entree for guys like me, the instrumental work is very melodic and exploratory into light and shade. It's probably not the kind of thing I'd play for other people or even love, but it rocks in a proggy "Mars Volta if they didn't blow" way and I'm glad this is gettting the attention it has.
Thursday- "A City By The Light Divided"
For a while, I thought I was going to review this for Stylus, and I'm glad it didn't happen because no matter what grade I gave it, I would've regretted it in retrospect. Not since Slipknot's "Iowa" has an album been so awesome, yet clearly kinda suck at the same time.
A big part of that has to do with Dave Fridmann. I'm a huge fan of his work (even though "The Soft Bulletin" is probably my third favorite album of his, behind "Deserter's Songs" and "Hate"), but when you consider the whimsical, funhouse LPs he's known for, it seems like a bad fit for the most dead serious rock band in the biz. Ah, but neither know a thing about restraint.
And that's pretty much a prerequisite knowledge before entering this experience: it's the loudest album I think I've ever heard. Stylus writer Nick Southall has done an incredible series about the modern trend of overusing compression and whatnot (READ!), and I just wonder if he's ever heard this album. Probably not, because it'll make his head explode.
I can't front: this is a great album to listen to at the gym. Probably because the gym is so noisy that you have to push the volume on your iPod to the point where this starts making sonic sense. But otherwise, Fridmann uses volume like a blunt object, breaking every bone in the sonic structure to the point where it's just a distorted blob at times. This is the kind of album where you see the second-to-last song is called "Into Blinding Light" and you just know it's going to build into defeaning distortion. Which it does.
But I imagine this is the best album Thursday will make; there's a lot less screamo than in the past, and even if Fridmann works to their disadvantage at times, he stills makes things a lot more interesting. If nothing else, it's just more proof that when emo bands go for "atmospheric," they almost always end up sounding like U2. Plus, "Counting 5-4-3-2-1" really fucking rocks, almost singlehandedly making up for the inclusion of "We Will Overcome." That's the sort of ballsy but misguided appropriation of black culture I'd usually expect from Greg Dulli, but here, it's simply used as a lazy catch-all because Geoff Rickly mentions "Strange Fruit" and the Iraq War and can't think of anyway to tie them together.
So we're back where we started really. Great for an album of its kind, but it'll do nothing to change your mind if you're not actively trying to like Thursday. It just makes me think of what Jonathan Bradley once wrote; in essence, if critics are so hyped up about music intended for teenage girls, why is music for teenage boys completely marginalized? People should've cared a lot more about this album (Island/Def Jam included). Hey, speaking of which...
Justin Timberlake- "FutureSex/LoveSounds"
I remember some day in October last year being an enormous release Tuesday; I think "Z," "You Could Have It So Much Better," "Extraordinary Machine" and some other stuff came out all at once, and I spent the day skipping law school to give 'em a spin while watching the MLB playoffs. It looks like September 12th was that day this year, as there's an unheard of amount of major-indie stars dropping. And that's in addition to TV On The Radio and Junior Boys, whose albums have been leaked for months.
But you know which album is probably got the most attention? You guessed...Well, here's the thing: your favorite critic is probably going ape for what is essentially the male answer to Christina Aguilera's "Stripped." Seriously, have you read some of the shit this guy is saying? He spends the first part of his Rolling Stone interview talking about how much weed he smokes, and then there's this kicker, in regards to how he wants people to approach this...
"Maybe everybody was coked up, but who cares? It was hot. It was all about sex."
Come the fuck on. Okay, so he's done drugs and likes sex. 99% of my friends have done drugs and enjoy fucking. Remeber this past week as the exact point where your major internet outlets completely lost their fucking minds (Jeff does a better job of covering it here). At least when Lance Bass was trying to distance himself from his 'N Sync past, he was sincere about it, and there's a good chance JT's sucking more black dick than he is. J.C. Chasez works with Basement Jaxx fer cryin' out loud, and he can't get one lick of attention. Okay, he did have a song called "Some Girls Dance With Girls" or whatever.
But it's not like that's any less blatant than the shit going on here. Justin Timberlake wants you to think he's some modern day version of Prince just because he shows up to a Rolling Stone shoot with a guitar and uses the word "sex" about 12,000 times throughout this album. Elevate him to "King of Pop" or "King of Sex" (Rolling Stone, eww!), but I'll finance your hearing test if you think anything here has the melodic sense of "Take Me With U," the lyrical resonance of "When Doves Cry" or the rock dynamics of "Let's Go Crazy." Granted, this may seem like an unwinnable contest, going up against what's easily one of the best albums ever made. But hey, if you're gonna liken him to Prince or Michael Jackson in the first place, you'll look as foolish as you did when you compared Kanye to Stevie Wonder last year.
And for all the talk of this being a party album, this whole thing is about as sexy and fun as date rape. Come on, are you that scared of being called a "rockist" if you're honest about this album's merits? For those of you who read blogs rather than write them, imagine Sammy Davis, Jr. was 25 years old and an internet music critic. Now, suppose you call him the n-word and then go on to say, "and you're a fucking kike as well." The next thing you call him is a "rockist." Which one would offend him the most? It's a lot closer than you think (although I'd say "kike" is a distance third).
Back to this pile, it's one man trying to prove to the world that he's a cool guy. And cool don't advertise. It's got all of the eerie gloss of Daft Punk's "Discovery" or Missy Elliott's "So Addictive," but rather than being a paean to E-enhanced love, it's as dead serious in its artistic pretensions as any Radiohead album. And here's the funny part: for a person with his background, you can't even fall back on the singing. You just get his bullshit mack posturing and uncomfortable innuendo in a weedy falsetto and Timbaland absolutely coasting on his beats. I can understand why people would be into "Rock Your Body" or "Cry Me A River"; I remember hearing the entirety of "Justified" because when I was visiting my friend at Penn State in 2002, his girlfriend was the designated driver one night. At least those were, respectively, airy, MJ-aping fun and one of Timbaland's more interesting productions.
But here, the backing tracks are flavorless (we can't even get a "Dirt Off Your Shoulders" anymore) and the sense of fun has been replaced by a positively predatory vibe. Yes, ladies and gents, it's come to this. I have to explain to you why a Justin Timberlake album is worthless. C'mon, y'all: this sucks and you know it. I guarantee I'll hear comments about "it's fun!" or whatnot, but when it comes to hipsters (you know who you are) pounding Sparks and shaking their asses to JT, I'll believe it when I see it. When push comes to shove, they're at the Serena Maneesh show.
The Rapture- "Pieces Of The People That We Love"
Every music publication has a moment that'll make you think "they'll never live this down." It happens just about every time Rolling Stone trots out a five-star review. Spin picking "Bandwagonesque" over "Nevermind" as their #1 album of 1991 is like the bassist from Interpol having herpes: you'd be amazed how many people know about it, and even more amazed how frequently it's brought up. I write for a publication that picked "Blueberry Boat" and "Arular" as their last two #1s. Unless "Ys" ends up at the top spot (prediction: no f'in way), I doubt we'll see a repeat.
Obviously, this is leading up to "Echoes" being named Pitchfork's #1 of 2003. It seemed like a pretty big shock at the time, because it was a divisive album of the highest order. Not in the "oh, they're just ripoffs of Band X" way, but in the "these guys can't play their instruments and they really fucking suck" way.
In retrospect, it's not as bad of a choice at it once seemed. I like "Echoes," but it's not perfect. I'm not sure how they could be called "dance-punk" when "Heaven" and "Open Your Heart" would clear floors out like Agent Orange. But when you look back at 2003, what else was there? The Shins are outstanding, and it's perfectly reasonable for them to take four years to make 30 minutes of recorded music, but I don't consider "Chutes Too Narrow" to be life-altering. "Michigan" was good, but clearly a stepping stone for the superior-in-every-way "Illinois." "Decoration Day" is among the most underrated albums to come along this century, and will probably remain the only Drive-By Truckers album that doesn't require liberal use of the skip button. I probably would've voted for something along the lines of "The Meadowlands" or "Transatlanticism" at the time, but let's not forget: I was undergoing my first year of law school. I still think they're great albums, but they're nowhere near as resonant as they used to be.
It's doubtful that the new album will be anywhere near as galvanizing, even though it's probably better. Just know beforehand you're not getting a "House Of Jealous Lovers." But you're not getting a "Heaven" either. The closest you get to a dud here is "Calling Me," which was produced by none other than...ta-da! Danger Mouse.
Elsewhere, you get the feeling that Gang of Four was a pretty poor comparison for these guys and they're actually more like the Happy Mondays; music that's far funkier and funnier than it should be. I imagine the day we find out for certain that Luke Jenner is retarded will be about as big of a non-story as the day we find out for certain that Cam'ron is actually gay.
New eyeliner, you was flirtin' with a gay designer
Obviously, this sounds like an insult, but you need to lack a certain guile to make the kind of music Rapture's peddling (the same could be said of New Order). Especially when the first words on your new album are "high...high as the sky. Low....low as it goes. Purple dragons fly into your eyes. Milkshake shimmy, cry and cry and cry." Or when you base a six-minute song on the hook "my, my, my, my Mustang Ford." And then the colored girls sing...
But this is probably one of my favorite albums of the year because it works so well within its boundaries. They've pretty much figured out that they're a party band and no one could care less about Rapture themselves; although that may not be true on the possibly-Goodie Mob-quoting "W.U.H.Y.," which is either complete genius or the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Really, this will probably end up in my Top Twenty at the end of the year, mostly because of its consistency and the fact that it knows its limitations and is far funkier than it has any right to be.
Fujiya & Miyagi- "Transparent Things"
Yes, I realize Chuck Klosterman preempted me on this, but really, there's so little that can be considered "guilty pleasures" in an artistic sense. Killing a hobo because it gives you an erection: guilty pleasure. Anything else is fine as long as it's sincere as opposed to trying to put on a front for imaginary girls who want to have sex with music critics for their views on Justin Timberlake.
Nonetheless, I really didn't want to like this album. First off, there's that name and the dudes aren't even Japanese (they say as much in one of the songs). Then, the two names that kept coming up in describing it were "DFA" and "Neu!". But yes, while it's music critic music of the highest order, it's surprisingly danceable stuff. And here's why (as well as the reason why I don't mind liking this): a good portion reminds me a lot of "C'mon Ride It (The Train)." Obviously, not the singing. But for whatever reason, if you think of the backing track (particularly the bass) you're part of the way there. So for all of you who picked "ten years" for the amount of time it would take the influence of Quad City DJ's to fully manifest itself in indie rock, take a bow.
Also, the subject title and some of the quotes contained herein are tributes to Kool Keith's "Sex Style"...when you're in California, here's what you need to know: don't drive anywhere near some place you recall from "The Chronic." If it's referenced on "Sex Style," however, it's likely very safe (no foolin'). Also, on my way to the gym, I pass by Fairfax High School. I wish I could go back in time to tell this to the Ian that regularly listened to "One Hot Minute"; this fact would completely blow his fucking mind.
posted by Ian at 10:14 PM
<< Home